Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Trust, Communication and Their Challenges in Relationships...


If communication is a challenge for you right now in your relationships, 
one of the biggest issues may be a lack of trust. 

If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life, 
we don't have to tell you how painful it is.

Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. 
If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of 
everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor 
unhealed resentments which get in the way of clear communication. 

In short, if for whatever reason you can't trust no matter how hard you 
try, you'll keep your partner at a distance and not let them get too close 
to you which most likely will impact your communication with them. 

Sometimes people who have trouble communicating tell us things like... "I 
don't know why I can't talk to my husband. He hasn't done anything to 
deserve my mistrust," "I just can't seem to open up to my partner no 
matter what I do," "I'm always saying the wrong thing and I simply don't 
know how to talk with her anymore," and finally "I don't know how to deal 
with her lies anymore." 

What we've discovered is that no one is born with communication or trust 
issues. They are created from real or imagined fears about what may or may 
not be happening in their relationships. 

If there are trust issues and communication is difficult, one or both of 
the following explanations are usually underneath them:

1. The person is in a relationship with someone who has violated trust in 
some way and maybe even continues to violate it.

2. The person has had trust violated in past relationships and has created 
real fears in the present moment about events and circumstances that may 
or may not be happening in their current relationship.

The paradox of trust issues is that in order to heal trust, you have to be 
willing to open your heart and take conscious, intelligent risk. Most 
people who struggle with this issue have felt pain that is so great that 
they have shut themselves off from opening their hearts again. It's very 
difficult for them to move past this point.

Here are a few suggestions for "Creating Relationship Trust" 
that may help you begin to trust again and improve your communication:

1. Pay attention to the fears you are feeling, honor those feelings while 
discovering whether there is any truth to your fears.

2. We all tell stories to ourselves about everything in our lives. If you 
are telling yourself untrue stories about what is or may be happening, 
then stop yourself. Begin to trust in yourself that you can change the 
stories you tell yourself about your life or your relationships. 

3. Ask yourself this question-"Is my reaction really about what's 
happening right now?" If your answer is yes, then have the courage to deal 
honestly with your situation. If your answer is no, then have the courage 
to stop yourself from creating separation and distance by saying and doing 
things that will harm your relationship.

4. Keep in mind that learning to trust others starts with you. If there 
are blatantly untrustworthy people in your life right now, then you are 
being asked to look at yourself and discover how you can heal from your 
past. If you make up stories about people who are really trustable, you 
are still called to begin a healing process.

Please know that no matter what has happened in your relationships up 
until now that trust can be built and it CAN be rebuilt if it's been 
broken. 

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