Is it time?

HI All

Wow it's been what feels like a life time since I last posted on here. Think it's time I revive this blog. Keep reading for an update on what's been going on and maybe I'll include some writing from a more personal perspective. That could prove quite interesting............

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5 ways to help you get over your breakup pain faster‏

We all talk to ourselves all of the time and this is what we calling
'self talk.' These thoughts come and go in our minds and they can
either help us go through life with relative ease or struggling at
every step of the way.

In our experience, this 'self talk' can either keep you stuck in the
past--mulling over what went wrong or what you should have done
differently--or stuck in the future--worrying about what might 
happen at some point down the road.

Or 'self talk' can help you to stay in the present moment, dealing
practically with what's happening right now, and move powerfully and
positively into your future.

One of the best kept secrets is that you can change your thoughts.
Believe it or not, many people learn how to do it.

Here are 5 ways to change 'self talk' to help you ease your pain 
from your breakup or divorce...

1. Become aware of what you are telling yourself.
Believe it or not, our thoughts are habits that we've created along 
the way. For instance, there's the "guilt" set of thoughts, the
"worry" set of thoughts, the "fear" set of thoughts, the "I'm always
going to be alone" set of thoughts, the "nothing's wrong" set of
thoughts or the "sunny outlook" set of thoughts--you get the idea.

If you want to begin healing your pain, start paying attention to
your particular set of thoughts. You might even give them a name.
Maybe you've not had these thoughts until your breakup or maybe
they've been with you for a long time. Whichever is the case, just
begin noticing what thoughts roll through your mind.

2. Once you have become aware of your thoughts, decide the thoughts
that make you feel better, easier about your situation and those
that don't. Take a legal pad or notebook and at the top of the page, 
make 2 columns with these headings: "Feel better" and "Feel Worse."

Keep the legal pad or notebook where you can easily reach it. As
thoughts come to you, write them down under one of those two
categories. Do this long enough for you to see on paper, your
patterns of thinking that are either helping you or pulling you
down.

3. Identify one reoccurring thought or pattern that is bringing you 
pain and make the commitment to yourself to change it. Write your
commitment down and post it where you'll see it often. 

It could go something like this...

"I commit to changing my thoughts about how alone I am right now. 
I may not be with a partner right now but I don't have to constantly
remind myself."

4. Chose a thought that is better.
Taking our example, this thought is probably not going to be that
you are completely joyful, are with your perfect partner, or feel
completely satisfied with your current situation. It may be that
a better thought is that when a thought comes up about how alone
you are, you change that thought to "I can call my friend ______ and
either talk with them or arrange to go to dinner or a movie."

5. Practice in each moment and break your habit.
Have you ever broken a habit? It takes being aware of what you are
doing and then making a change in the moment. Your thought pattern 
is a habit and can be changed--but you have to believe the thought
that you are changing to--and you have to practice it.

If feeling better is important to you, this is valuable information
that will help you to move forward in your healing process from
your breakup or divorce. 

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4 Ways To Deal With Upsets, Anger and Anything Else

We've all experienced this at one time or another. Something happens, and we completely overreact.

We get upset, defensive and irritable and we don't
even want to (or can't) listen to what our partner is
saying.
Even though we just want to make him or her hear
and understand how we feel, we come off as
demanding and angry.
The last thing we want to do in that moment is to
understand where our partner is coming from, or
what he or she is going through.
Our partner has pushed a button and our automatic
response goes something like this...
"You hurt my feelings, it's not right and I'm going
to let you have it!"
We all do this but unfortunately when this happens
it never brings the two of you closer.
In fact, it brings more tension, stress and a lot of
unresolved conflict.
Here's a "button-pushing" scenario from our own
lives and what we did about it...

Several years ago, we'd get into conflict when
Otto had a particularly "uppity, sarcastic, superior"
(Susie's words) tone in his voice when he talked
to her on occasion.

Susie's anger button would be pushed big time and
of course, she had her own way of pushing
Otto's anger button.

Instead of expressing her anger in a healthy way,
she would come back with some sarcastic remark
that didn't have anything to do with what he was
saying.

His tone of voice said to her...(in her mind)

"I don't respect you"
"You are stupid"
"You just don't get this"

And any connection would be all over between
the two of us.

You can guess that after Susie came back with
a sarcastic, superior remark, Otto would really
get angry.

And so it went until we figured out how to stop
pushing each other's buttons in this way.

Does any of this sound even a little bit familiar
to you?

We're betting that even though you may not
have this particular way of pushing each other's
buttons, you have ways that are equally deadly
to your relationship. Maybe it's not the tone of voice you use with
each other but it might be what's NOT said
and what you imagine is happening.

Maybe it's that almost everything you say to
one another ends up being fodder for a fight.
Maybe it's that you've grown apart and you
desperately want to do something to bring
the two of you back together but everything
you try turns out wrong--and you're growing
further apart.

But...
Here's the thing about triggers...
No matter what triggers you and what triggers
your partner, you can change how you relate
to one another and how you deal with the
conflict so that it is no longer a big problem
for you in your relationship.
So, what did we do about this particular "button-
pushing" dynamic?
Susie learned to stop herself from putting a
particular meaning (her story about what
Otto's tone of voice meant) on what he was
saying--and listen instead to his words.
Here are the steps she used and you can
use also when you're triggered about
something your partner says or does...
1. Notice that you've been triggered and
acknowledge it to yourself that you've been
grabbed by something.
2. Notice what story you're telling yourself
at that moment. In Susie's case, it was
"Otto thinks I'm stupid and he doesn't
respect me."
The truth is that she didn't know what
he was thinking in that moment or what his
particular tone of voice meant.
(It might have meant that he was frustrated
and not with Susie--which was usually what it
turned out to be.)
3. Stop yourself from reacting in your old,
familiar way. If you say something back that's
sarcastic or you completely withdraw and
close down from your partner, notice that
that's what you want to do but DON'T DO
IT.
We know that it takes a lot of courage to
stop doing what's become automatic--but
know that with a little practice you can do
it.
4. Change your story and listen to your
partner.
Susie's new story is that Otto's may not
be angry with her and she'll just listen to
what he has to say.
You can change your story by just looking
at whatever else could be just as true in
this situation and telling yourself that story.
Otto used a similar process as well.
 
These steps are how we started unraveling
our particular "button-pushing" dance that
could have left a lot of unresolved conflict
between us.
And this unresolved conflict could have
destroyed the closeness, connection and
passion that we so love about our relationship.

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3 Keys To Stopping the Pain of a Broken Heart‏

It doesn't matter whether you were the one who left or you were the
one who was left--there is usually a mixture of emotions that come
up. There could be regret, sadness, resentment, relief, loss, grief
and a mixture of all of those.

Whatever you are feeling right now, we know that at the very bottom 
it,there is probably some kind of pain.

It can show up differently as emotional pain or physical pain--or a
mixture of both.

When one woman we know experienced a divorce, she actually had
physical pain in her heart. She was so grief-stricken that she
thought she was having a heart attack. In an extreme case such as
this, you need to be checked out by a physician--but the point is
that there is very real pain after a breakup or divorce.

So the question is...

How do you stop the pain?

The funny thing about pain is that it is usually pointing to 
something that you need to heal or look at in your life. Now you
may be telling us that it's pretty obvious what you need to heal--
the loss of your relationship or to get your relationship back--but 
maybe it isn't as obvious as that.

So the first thing that we would suggest if you are in pain from
a breakup or divorce is ...

1. Acknowledge that you are in pain
Acknowledge "what is" right now. Right now, you may be experiencing
the extremes of either getting busy "doing" so that all of your
time is filled up and you can't think or you are so overcome with
emotion that you aren't functioning very well in your job or your
personal life. 

As you've probably discovered, neither of these ways is very 
helpful or healthy for you to deal with the pain. 

If you cover the pain up with lots of "doing," whether it's exercise
or working long hours, the pain always comes out and hits you in
the face at some point. Maybe you can't sleep and take sleeping
pills because your thoughts and emotions are overwhelming. Whatever
happens, the pain always catches up to you.

If you find that you are completely incapacitated by your pain and
all you want to do is stay in bed, that's probably not working 
either. You may be missing work, staying away from your friends and
hibernating. You life may seem that it's on hold and you can't move
further. Being overwhelmed with pain is not dealing with it either. 

The choice you can make, whether you are incapacitated by your pain
or are burying it, is to really look at it and not try to run
away from it.

2. Discover what your pain is telling you.
Now this may seem a little weird to you but as we said before, pain 
is always telling us something and our job is to listen. 

Here's one way to listen to what your pain is saying...

Find a quiet spot, sit quietly with yourself, close your eyes and no 
distractions like television or the internet.

Take a few moments to quiet yourself by breathing deeply into your
belly region. If thoughts come in, bring your attention back to
your breathing.

When you are calmer, move your attention to your heart (or any other 
place in your body that has pain) and breathe into that spot. Don't
try to judge or put meaning to your pain right now.

Just allow yourself to fully pay attention to the area of your body
that the pain is causing you distress. Remember no judgments, no
self-talk about your situation.

Just be totally present with what is.

3. Practice this exercise whenever you feel overwhelmed or if you 
feel compelled to bury yourself in some activity. 
 
At first, it may seem unusual to do this but the more you practice,
believe it or not, the more you learn about yourself and your pain--
and the best ways to heal it and move forward.

Get quiet and listen. Even if you are in a busy office, go to the
restroom, sit in the stall and breathe. 

Do it and keep doing it. If you do this consistently, we're sure 
that you will feel dramatically better and better

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5 signs he isn't over his ex

When you are in a new relationship, it’s natural to wonder about the ex. Does he think about her? If so, how much and is he really over her? These are questions that plague many women.

Perhaps you’d like to know whether or not the ex is still on his mind. There are signs you can look for, that may tell you whether or not he is really over that relationship. Below are a few that will help you in your quest to find out.

He talks about her frequently

This usually means one of two things. Either he is not over her or he isn’t over something that happened between them. Pay attention to how he talks about her. If he does so lovingly, this may be cause for concern. If, on the other hand, her name often comes up when the two of you are talking about a particular issue or situation, chances are he isn’t over what ended the relationship.

If he speaks of her with anger or derision, be wary. The opposite of love is apathy, not hate. If his ex or something she did is still bothering him, he is clearly not over it.

He is still in communication with her

Sometimes it is possible to remain friends with an ex without it being awkward or lines getting blurred. This usually occurs either when the two of them have known one another for a very long time and were friends to begin with, or when the relationship they had was more of a friendship than a romantic endeavour.

Most couples that break up don’t remain friends, so this further communication could most definitely signify a lingering attachment.

He still sees her – and lies to you about it

A huge red flag is if you find out that he is still in contact with or sees her – but doesn't tell you about it. If he is keeping this from you, he obviously feels guilty about it and that is not a good sign.

He accidentally called you by her name

This is a definite sign he was, at the very least thinking of her. It could also mean he is still in contact with her as well. If it happens once, you may be able to blow it off, provided it doesn’t occur in the middle of a romantic situation, but if it occurs more frequently than that, this may pose a problem.

He keeps items that remind him of his ex

While it is common to keep a few things given to you by the ex, holding onto every gift ever given, photographs and text messages could signify an attachment. If he is unwilling to part with things she gave him, you should discuss it to find out why. Also, one or two items may be okay, but several could mean trouble.

The signs listed above could indicate he’s still not over her. Pay attention and approach it with an open mind. Do not make assumptions just because you suspect a few of these signs are present. Instead, take the time to examine all the options.

Your gut instinct will tell you whether or not a real issue is at hand – and in this case the best way to deal with it is to discuss with him honestly, and without being accusing, why you find it hurtful or disrespectful that she’s still a big part of his life.

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New FREE Mini e -course to begin on MONDAY 6th June

Hi Faithful Followers


This is just brief message to inform everyone that my NEW mini e-course regarding creating more love, passion, connection and a "Red Hot Love Relationship." will commence on monday the 6th June. The last FREE mini course i did had a great response. This time around the course will run for 5 days so sign up for free emails right into your inbox to ensure that you don't miss out.


Thanks
Nicolette

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Do's and Don'ts When Communicating with Your Workaholic Partner

Ellen's husband is a workaholic. Before their relationship became serious, she often admired how goal-oriented and driven he was. As their commitment to one another grew stronger and they eventually married, what Ellen previously saw as a character strength turned into something annoying and hurtful.

After almost two decades of marriage, Ellen has grown used to being very flexible. Changing plans at the last minute and making apologies to others for her husband's absence has become commonplace. She appreciates the abundant salary that her husband brings in and she is happy that he enjoys his work.

Ellen only wishes that her husband was as intense and focused on their marriage as he is on his career. She feels lonely and resentful more often than she likes to admit.

In these days where businesses are trying to do more with less, putting in extra time at work happens a lot. Couples find themselves planning date nights and time together far in advance just because their schedules-- both work and family responsibilities-- have become so full.

Some people take putting in that extra effort at the office to a compulsive level. These people are workaholics. There are certainly varying degrees of workaholic behavior and some really need the help of a professional counselor or therapist.

In general, a workaholic is defined as someone who has an "unrelenting" and "compulsive" desire to work.

If your partner seems to you to be a workaholic, you may already have experienced tension in your relationship when you have tried to talk with him or her about this. Perhaps you've used different tactics and brought up the subject of your mate's work habits in less direct ways.

But, still you encountered defensiveness and maybe even hostility from your partner.

The way that you communicate what you want and what you'd like to change about your love relationship or marriage is crucial. You can essentially say the same thing but have drastically different results depending on how you say it.

Remember these Dos and Don'ts as you talk with your workaholic mate... 

Do be honest. 
The time for claiming to be "fine" when you really aren't is over.  As much as you don't want to make your partner angry, you lying about how you truly feel when he or she cancels your date (for the umpteenth time) is not going to help your relationship.

Being honest doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to pick a fight with your partner or that you're going to try to guilt trip or manipulate him or her either. It's about being real and authentic about this situation and your experience of it.

Don't assume that you know why your partner is a workaholic. 
You might have a good idea about why your mate seems to compulsively work. Maybe he or she has a low self esteem or had a traumatic childhood and you believe that there is a link between the workaholic tendencies and these things.

You might be accurate and you might not be.

If you are interested in why your partner works as incessantly as he or she does, find ways to ask. When you two are alone and talking, you might ask your mate something like this: "Please help me understand why you work as many hours as you do...." or "I want to understand why you work so much..."

Whatever you choose to say, make sure that you truly do want to better understand. Really listen to what your partner says in response.

Do focus on how you feel and what you want. 
Again, being honest is really important. You might not be able to force your partner to stop working so many hours or to keep your dates, but you can let him or her know that you have feelings and preferences too.

Keep your words focused on how YOU feel. Instead of saying something like, "You don't want to be with me," try "I feel sad and lonely when we don't have regular connecting time every day." 

Resist the urge to assume that you know how your partner feels or what motivates him or her to work so much. Instead, be clear about how you feel and make requests to help bring some positive changes.

Do be flexible AND honor your boundaries.
It is important to be flexible in a relationship because there are often times when negotiation and patience are required. At the same time, it's essential that you honor your boundaries and needs.

You might not have a choice when your mate calls to tell you that he or she will be working late even though you two have tickets to a concert that night. If your partner has made the decision to stay late and work instead of go to the concert, you have the power to be honest about your feelings AND you can decide what you will do.

Maybe you'll decide to invite a friend to go with you to the concert instead. Perhaps there's a way to switch the tickets to a different night.

Give yourself the space to be flexible when it feels okay to you to do so and also to honor your boundaries and make the choice to do what you want to do given the situation you're in.

Don't issue an ultimatum-- unless you are willing to follow through. 
It can be tempting to issue an ultimatum to your workaholic partner. It can be frustrating and upsetting when you're honest about how you feel and try to set boundaries or create agreements and nothing seems to bring the change you want.

The only time that ultimatums are effective are when you are 100% willing to follow through with your threat. If you set before your partner the choice of his or her work OR you, it's possible that your partner will choose work.

You might be ready to make the choice to end the relationship is significant changes don't happen-- there's nothing wrong with this.  Just be sure that you are making the decision about what's best for you in the long-term and the short-term in advance of communicating. 

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Create Agreements that Will Make Life with Your Woman Easier...and Sexier Too!

 Stephen is trying to be patient with his wife, but it's been tough lately. It seems like sarcasm, snide comments and full-blown arguments are happening more and more frequently. 

The tension that's coming between Stephen and his wife revolves around money issues. A couple of years ago, Stephen started his own business. He is really enjoying the challenge and has had some successes along the way, but the business is still not solid and profitable yet.

Stephen is convinced that, given a little more time, his business will be highly lucrative for him and his family too. His wife is not so sure.

She is stressed out most of the time and pours over the numbers for the household and his business everyday. She wants him to look for what she calls a "real job."

They can't seem to find any semblance of agreement on this and the tension has spilled over into the bedroom too. Stephen can't remember the last time that he and his wife made love with one another-- or laughed together either.

In any love relationship or marriage, there can come a time when you and your partner face an issue that you simply don't see eye-to-eye about. You might each work very hard to convince the other how much sense your position is, but this only seems to solidify the opposition.

For you and your woman, the issue that seems to be driving a wedge between you might be money. Or, it could be something else like flirting, jealousy, lying, intimacy, sex or decisions involving your kids.

In many cases, it really matters less what the actual issue is than the way that this disagreement seems to be intensifying and tearing you two apart.

One way to bring some ease to a difficult and contentious situation is to create agreements about it.

The agreement that you reach and follow can lessen the tension and help you both know what you each expect in regard to this tricky topic. The process of creating the agreement can be a way that you two start to move closer together again as you both share and listen and try to understand one another's positions.

As you probably already know, frequent arguing, bickering and stress can be a big turn off. Your woman may be less in the mood to make love with you when there is an unresolved issue.

On the other hand, when you create an agreement and find some level of resolution about the issue, you're both most likely going to be more open to sex.

Creating agreements that are clear, fair and follow-able are a great way to move closer to not only a resolution about this difficult issue, but also to most closer to one another.

Propose clear and specific agreements.
Come to a conversation about this topic with your woman with a clear idea of what you really want. Too often, things can become muddy or distracted when either or both people are triggered and already upset.

You could suggest to your partner that you two create an agreement and then start things off with a proposal that addresses your priorities and core desire. Be open-- and let her know that you are open-- to modifications to this proposal.

Stephen, for example, sits down with his wife and proposes that they give his business another 9 months to grow. He suggests that at the end of the 9 months, they sit down together and assess whether this is something that is feasible to continue.

Be aware if you lay out your suggested agreement as more of an ultimatum or demand. This is NOT what we're going for. Demanding that your partner do things "your way" is very different from an agreement.

There might be a time when you feel so strongly about your position that you are willing to literally leave if things do not change the way you want them to. One example of this may be if your woman is having an affair and you are ready to end the relationship if she doesn't stop the cheating.

An agreement, on the other hand, is collaborative, flexible and a way to re-connect with your partner.

Incorporate her ideas too. 
After you've proposed the agreement that you had in mind, now it's your woman's turn to contribute. Remind yourself that giving her the space to fully consider what you've suggested and then really listening to what she wants is NOT going to undermine your priorities and what you want.

Don't interrupt her and don't reject her contributions to the agreement as she states them.

Take the time to feel into yourself.  What are the changes, additions or deletions to your proposal that you are most willing to accept? What exactly don't you like about
her specific ideas that you feel resistant to?

Ideally, creating an agreement is a process that is done over the course of a few (more or less) conversations. Give yourselves the time to really understand what each wants and also the time to be clear about why you are open to some things and closed to others.

Set up an agreement that you BOTH will actually follow and feel good
about.
When your ideas and your woman's ideas overlap-- or come close to it-- make that part of your agreement. It can provide positive momentum when you notice and appreciate these places of alignment-- even if they seem small or less significant.

Build on that momentum and come up with some kind of agreement that you both can reasonably follow and feel okay about too.

The long-term success of an agreement is in its being created in an environment of honesty and openness. When you do your best to keep it honest, open and collaborative, you're more likely to feel closer to your woman in the process. 

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Is it Possible to "Agree to Disagree" with Your Partner and Stay Connected?

We've all been there.

You and someone you care deeply about just don't see eye to eye about a particular issue. You may debate with one another and even argue in favor of your perspective, but to no avail.

You and this special someone in your life finally decide to "agree to disagree" about this topic.

It's usually far easier to "agree to disagree" with an extended family member, a friend or a co-worker. After all, quite often you don't live with these people and there is some amount of distance between you that makes this kind of a pseudo-resolution work.

But when you and your partner in a love relationship or marriage have reached the point that neither of you is willing to budge and the only thing you can do is "agree to disagree," disconnection can result.

While it's true you cannot force your mate to believe that your perspective is better and it's inadvisable to simply go along with your partner's plan to "keep the peace," you do need to find a way to communicate about this tricky topic and keep your connection strong.

With an open heart and a willingness to listen, you may find that you and your partner don't have to see eye to eye about everything and you can still stay close.

Joe and Brandy have been through this discussion before and, yet again, it's ended up in a stalemate. Joe thinks that it's time their teenage son start learning to drive.

Although their son is only 14, Joe wants to begin teaching him how to drive-- starting out in parking lots or on rural roads.

Brandy is staunchly against this idea. She's read the statistics of how many teen boys get into car accidents and she would rather their son wait until he's 18 to drive, not 14.

Brandy is willing to consider driving lessons for their son when he's 16, but not a day
sooner!

After going round and round about this, Joe and Brandy have decided to "agree to disagree." The problem is, Joe is beginning to think that he and their son will have to sneak these driving lessons that Joe feels strongly about if they're ever going to happen.

Get to the heart of the matter. 
Whatever it is that you and your partner have "agreed to disagree" about, take some time to get a deeper look at the issue for you. If you feel so strongly about this that you are willing to dig in your heels, it is probably a hot button issue for you!

When you think about this topic, what are your dominant thoughts and feelings? Does this situation remind you of anything that happened in your past?

You might want to write down the observations you make about your thoughts, feelings and recalled memories. These can help you get a better grasp of the dimensions of this issue.

When Brandy takes a deeper look at the question of their son learning to drive at the age of 14, she feels a preponderance of fear. She is fearful about her son getting hurt or hurting others accidentally.

She also realizes that she is fearful and sad about her son getting older and more independent.

Brandy can now see that a part of her wants to delay his growing up as much as she can. While she feels a bit embarrassed by this realization, it is helps Brandy get clearer about her position on the matter.

Don't make it about winning or losing. 
Sometimes when a couple gets stuck in a disagreement, one or both of them is attached to the idea of "winning" the discussion. Although this might not be the conscious thought, it is the compulsion all the same.

Inwardly and honestly reflect on your motivations. If you are wanting to "win" about this disagreement, acknowledge that to yourself.

Simply admitting that you are feeling competitive, defensive or prideful can help you to ease up. You can then begin to re-focus on the actual issue at hand.

If one or both of you is feeling powerless in some way in your relationship, you might feel compelled to "win." Ask yourself what you need in order to feel more powerful and then set aside a separate time when you can make requests of your partner that can help you.

It might also be that you don't feel powerful in your life in general. See what changes you can make in how you view yourself, your abilities and your life in order to make a shift and improve how you are feeling.

Open up to better understand. 
Keep yourself as open as you can when you are communicating with your mate about this topic upon which you two have "agreed to disagree."

This will probably require you to do the inner work we've suggested above so that when you talk about the issue, you are really able to hone in on it.

Joe has realized that "winning" with Brandy-- especially about this topic-- is very important to him. Joe feels like Brandy has lead the way in parenting their children over the years and he'd like to step up and take control in this area.

Remembering the special times he had with his father when he learned how to drive as a teen, Joe wants to create new memories with his own son.

As Joe realizes his deeper feelings about all of this, he is able to loosen up around his position somewhat.

When Joe and Brandy sit down again, they are both feeling less intense about each of their "sides" and they can stay open to truly listen to one another. They feel more confident that they can come up with a resolution and decision that both of them can feel good about.

As you listen to understand your partner and how he or she feels about this particular topic, you won't necessarily come away with a changed mind-- neither will your mate.

What can be different is that you and your partner will each feel listened to and probably better understood. You might realize that what your mate is asking for or suggesting is an idea that has some merit after all.

From this point of feeling heard and better understood, the two of you can make choices while also moving closer together. 

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Communication E-Course--DAY 7 - Be clear in your communication

We've found that unclear communication creates assumptions 
by one or both people and creates barriers to a connected, 
healthy relationship. This is true no matter what type of 
relationship you're in.


******************************
Are you clear in your communication? Here are some 
questions for you to consider.

1. Are there times when you feel people misunderstand 
what you are asking them to do or trying to communicate with 
them? If so, write these scenarios here.



2. Are there times when you feel that you do not 
understand another person but are not comfortable or don't 
take the time to clarify the communication between the two 
of you? If so, write these scenarios here.



3. What could you do to be clearer in your communication 
with others? How could you ask for clarification when you 
are unsure of the meaning of what someone else has said? 
What different words could you use instead of the ones you 
presently use to make your communication more clear? Write 
some examples of how you'd like to communicate more clearly.




4. Is there an agreement you can make with yourself and 
with another person that will help each of you to avoid 
misunderstandings because of unclear communication, if this 
is a problem for you? If so, write it here.



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TIPS on creating clear communication:

1. If someone talks to you in a "fuzzy" way, dig 
deeper and ask one question deeper. Don't assume that 
you know what he or she means.

2. Be clear in what you are asking someone else to do. 
If it's a subject that may trigger one or both of you to 
become defensive, try approaching the subject with the 
following-"I'd like your help with. . ." or "Here's something 
that would really make me feel happy. . ."

3. Be aware of your reason (or reasons) for 
communicating with everyone as much of the time as possible. 
Be clear in your own mind whether you are trying to give 
them information, to get them to do something or change 
something or to connect with them to create a better 
understanding between the two of you or deepen the 
relationship. Make sure you know your purpose for 
communicating. If you don't, you can't expect the 
other person to know what it is. 

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Communication E-Course--DAY 6 - ‏Speak your truth as soon as you know it

Have you seen those big "dust bunnies" that form under 
your bed or any other place in your house that somehow 
get missed by that weekly sweep of the dust mop? The 
formation of "dust bunnies" can be very similar to how 
it is in your relationships when you keep your emotions 
and your truth from the people in your lives.

There are many reasons we allow "dust" to collect in our 
relationships and fear is always at the bottom. One of 
the biggest reasons is we don't want to "rock the boat" or 
shake the status quo by saying what is true for us. 
Although the present situation may not be the best, we 
fear that revealing how we really feel will make it worse. 

What we secretly fear is that our relationship will be 
torn apart by saying what we feel and sharing what's 
important to us.

Most of us don't realize that there can't be a true 
connection with another person without expression of 
truth. What is not expressed to the other person usually 
eventually comes up, in ways that are far more damaging to 
the relationship.

People somehow believe they are being loving when they 
withhold perceived unpleasant information from their 
partner. Not being forthcoming with your feelings is 
living with a lie and can ultimately create a separation 
between the two of you. 

Not speaking your truth as soon as you know it can create 
more problems than you realize because it leads to what 
we call "the Big 3."

These are: Assumptions, Resentments and Guilt. If you 
allow assumptions, resentments and guilt to get out of 
control, you become disconnected from other people which 
leads to emotional or physical separation. 

The reason we make assumptions is that we don't know what 
the people in our lives are thinking, feeling or what's 
important to them. Either they haven't shared their thoughts 
with us or we haven't asked, or maybe both.

Resentments build when we become angry and continue to hold 
onto the anger. As a result, one or both people do not 
speak what they are feeling and their needs are not being 
met.

Guilt becomes a big issue in relationships because we end 
up spending a great deal of emotional energy on "I should 
have told a truth" or something else that is important in 
the relationship. Guilt comes because of "shoulds."

Both of us have had challenges with speaking our truth and 
have had to learn to trust each other in order to open up. 

We've discovered that when you do this in relationships, 
you no longer make assumptions because you know that 
honest communication will prevent any 'dust' from 
accumulating between you. Having the courage to share 
what might tear the relationship apart is very empowering 
and can even be liberating.

So whether you find it difficult to speak your truth because 
you fear hurting your partner, making assumptions about 
your partner, or upsetting or possibly ending your 
relationship, we challenge you to contact your higher 
wisdom now to find out what is holding you back from 
authentic communication.

*********************************
1) What is the single biggest fear that you have in 
speaking your truth in your relationships?



2) What intention or agreement can you make with 
yourself or with your partner concerning speaking your 
truth?



************************

TIPS for speaking your truth
1) Practice the TIPS for feeling your feelings.

2) If you have difficulty feeling your feelings in the 
moment, you may need to give each other space to discover 
those feelings. When this happens to one of us, we always 
set a time when we will discuss the issue again.

3) If you have problems speaking your truth, start 
small. Start with something that is inconsequential like 
choosing a restaurant for a dinner out instead of agreeing 
to go wherever your partner wants to go.

4) Ask for your partner's attention when you want to 
speak, if that's a problem. Turn off the television and 
find a quiet spot.

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It's The Game Of Love; Seven Steps To Make It Going

It's the world of competition, and everybody try their best to get the best. Ever wondered why, may be one amongst you, have got the best girl? Well, the secret is not good looks or a well-defined six pack, but the fact that women simply get attracted to certain personality traits and flock to men who possess them.

So, here you go. Here I unravel some qualities, possessing which, may not take a lot of time for you to put yourself among the shoes of one of your friends whom you had always envy. Qualities that a lot of fairer sex looks forward to in the opposite sex. Read between the lines: 

1. The Confident Guy: 

Confidence speaks, all the time. Be the one in the front and not in the back. Girls, needless to say, love to see tons of confidence oozing out of them. 

A confident man who looks totally secure and sure of himself. He is assertive in public and gives off an aura of power and control. In a relationship, he doesn't get jealous of other men; he doesn't feel threatened by his girlfriend's male friends or co-workers. 

2. The Romantic Guy: 

It works all the time. Romance is the name of the game my friends. It has, and always will be. The biggest turn on is to see your partner asking for more, and this applies just for everything. A woman loves to feel appreciated, and the romantic guy makes this happen. He uses romantic gestures to show her he is thinking about her. As an added bonus, she feels free to reciprocate and act on her own romantic tendencies. 

Getting a bunch of flowers for your loved ones, or a pack of chocolates, are anything but sweet and simple gesture of how romantic you are. 

3. Artistic Guy: 

Let your imaginations go flying. Cross the borders and work on creativity. Remember, Every woman wants to feel unique and special and there is no better way to make her feel this way than to use her as your muse or your source of inspiration. 

The artistic guy is spontaneous and lives for the moment. Often, he will use his creativity to woo her, such as with a song he has written about her or a painting he has made for her. 

4. The Foreign Guy: 

Women often choose this kind of guy if they are curious about the world, but most of the appeal comes down to a fascination with dating someone from another culture. 

He comes from a faraway exotic country and he might have a cute accent or a unique way of seeing the world. His social customs and everyday behaviour can be a little quirky, but he always manages to come off as uniquely charming. 

5. The Free Spirit Guy (aka the Bad Boy) 

Speak your mind - no matter what the consequences are, but do that, always. Every woman wants a bit of a rebel. She loves his carefree attitude and hopes that it will rub off on her too. The bad boy spirit adds an element of youthfulness to the relationship and she loves to try taming him.

The free spirit guy goes where the wind takes him - and the wind usually takes him on some kind of wacky adventure. 

6. The Intelligent/Witty Guy 

Intelligence sparkles temptation, and the latter is very much more than the former. An intellectual connection is a big part of what sustains a relationship and if you can show her that you've got that, she'll be hooked pretty quickly. 

He instigates conversations that are intellectually stimulating and listens to what she has to say in response. He makes her laugh with his clever sense of humour and has an uncanny ability to make politics interesting. He can shoot the breeze with her for hours and it will never get boring. 

7. The Considerate Guy 

Last, be considerate. No body wants to see you to be the Brutus. Have a lot of empathy and mean what you say. One must have a lot of consideration for the people around. That , at least, to your partner will mean a lot. Small considerate steps may actually make a huge-huge difference in what or how she takes you. It's your ball game after all. Play it smart.

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