Is it time?

HI All

Wow it's been what feels like a life time since I last posted on here. Think it's time I revive this blog. Keep reading for an update on what's been going on and maybe I'll include some writing from a more personal perspective. That could prove quite interesting............

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New FREE Mini e -course to begin on MONDAY 6th June

Hi Faithful Followers


This is just brief message to inform everyone that my NEW mini e-course regarding creating more love, passion, connection and a "Red Hot Love Relationship." will commence on monday the 6th June. The last FREE mini course i did had a great response. This time around the course will run for 5 days so sign up for free emails right into your inbox to ensure that you don't miss out.


Thanks
Nicolette

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You Can Be In Love for Life

It has always been the fantasy. To meet the man or woman of your dreams and to live blissfully together until death do you part. Problem is that half of all marriages end in divorce. And yes, I know that according to some, this particular statistic isn't all that accurate, but the truth is that breaking up is, at best, a painful process, and most of us have had more experience with it than we care to remember.

It has been known for a very long time that those in healthy marriages or long-term relationships have lower mortality rates and better immune systems, and now scientists are attributing lower stress levels to those fortunate enough to be in loving committed relationships. So who wouldn't want love with benefits like a longer life and soul-warming affection?

Well, once you've had a bad relationship, no matter how it ended, getting back in the saddle can be as daunting as auditioning for American Idol. But you can't win if you don't play, and going about finding a mate half-heartedly will only get you half a love. Should you decide to jump in again, here's some great news.

According to an article on Match.com, a postdoctoral researcher at U.C. Santa Barbara, Bianca Acevedo, discovered through the use of surveys and brain scans that even after 20 years of togetherness, about 30 percent of married couples stay "in love." Another survey said that 18 percent of couples were still "very intensely in love" after 10 years or more.

This blows away the previous studies that say most people only stay in love for six months to three years, long enough to bear a child. I never really bought into that one. Even after a very difficult time, couples who work at it can put the love back into their relationships. To some, it comes as easily as realizing that they have become distant from their partners and making the decision to change it. Just remember that making this happen takes both effort and desire.

For love to work, you have to believe in it. I know many couples on second and third marriages who say they are happier than they have ever been. Don't think that a false start or two makes you damaged goods. The truth is that you must have learned something, and chances are you won't make the same mistake again.

Being in love for life doesn't mean that you will stay with your high-school sweetheart. It means that at any time you can make the choice to change your situation and make your life one of love and support. No, you won't always be right and your mate won't laugh at all your jokes, but if you work to create true love, you will have something more precious than jewels. Ask anyone who has lost the love of their life: what they would trade to have that person back? If yours is still here, make it happen. If not, go find one. Life is too short to stand on the sidelines.

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3 Secrets of Couples Who Stay In Love Forever‏

One thing we've discovered about love, relationships, marriage 
and how to stay in love is... 

Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident... 

In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but 
everything in life...

A great anything does not happen by accident... 

Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...

What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love" 
are two different things. 

The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love, 
but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the 
question is...

How do they do it? 

How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what 
most couples can't seem to do?

There are several ways that couples keep the fires 
stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the
relationship is over. 

We're going to share a few of those secrets with you today...


Secret # 1 

Couples who stay in love seem to actually talk to each other 
differently than couples who are headed for divorce court... 

Not only do these couples talk to each other differently, but 
they also use different words than the rest of us when they 
talk to each other....

They use "magic words" that seem to help open their partner 
instead of shut him or her down--

They use words that keep their partner interested instead 
of bored--

In any relationship, what we've found is that words can 
wound and words can heal. 

We've found that the right words truly can make all the 
difference between whether you stay in love or your relationship 
becomes a divorce or breakup statistic--

That's why we've put together a collection of the best words 
you could ever say to your partner if you want to stay in love 
or even rebuild a love that's faded over time. 


Secret #2

Couples who "fall in love" AND "stay in love" over a long 
period of time "ditch competition." 

We can't tell you how many times we've seen it in our 
Relationship Breakthrough Coaching work with couples...

Couples compete with each other about big and small 
things (even in playful ways) and sit around in amazement 
when the life has been sucked out of their relationship or 
marriage and they are left wondering...

Why? 

The reason is simple: 

In our opinion, there is no room for competition in a 
relationship between couples who are intimate partners 
or married. 

If you doubt whether this is true or not...

Try this...

The next time that you and your intimate partner or spouse 
have a friendly little competition about anything, when 
you are finished, ask yourself one very easy question: 

"Do I feel closer and more connected to him or her or do
I feel distant and more disconnected?" 

We're willing to bet that you'll feel more disconnected if there 
is any kind of competition between the two of you. 

Not one of these people has ever said to us... 

"I feel like we're really on the same team here--we're
splitting up!" 

It just doesn't happen. 

Here's the Susie and Otto rule for this: 

In order to "stay in love," make sure that you and your 
partner or spouse ALWAYS play on the same team. 

The potential challenges, upsets and heartbreak are 
just too great if you don't. 

Secret # 3 

Couples who "fall in love" AND "Stay in Love" remind 
themselves and each other regularly about what they like,
love and appreciate about each other. 

Try this with your partner every so often and notice the 
difference it makes in your relationship. 

Simply say to your partner: 

"Something I really appreciate about you is____________" 

And then fill in the blank with what you like, love or 
appreciate about him or her. 

This alone can sometimes work miracles in a 
relationship or marriage. 

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Am I Settling or Is This the Best I can Do?

These questions are critically important and here's why...
As good as your relationship seems to be, you
may be fearing that it may not be enough for you and you may want more some time in the future.
What we have discovered, is that we all have different wants, needs, interests.
We all have different things that drive us and
make us be the way we are.


The question you might really be asking could be...
"Can I have it all--the comfort, plus passion
that takes your breath away--or should I be
happy to get 'almost' all of it?"
Our answer to that is--it depends...
It depends on how important that passionate spark is to you.


It's only after you truly know what's important to you in your relationships and your life that you can begin to make conscious decisions about how you want to move forward.




So, we go back to this...
What's truly important to you?


To help you with this, take out a pen and paper and without censoring your thoughts, write down your first, gut responses to these questions...


1. Thinking about what you do have, how important is having that passionate spark to you right now?


2. In your mind's eye, transport the two of you to the future 5 or 10 years down the road. Now look at how happy you are if nothing changes.
Remember to just let your "gut" respond right now, without censoring it.


Now, read your answers to yourself and feel
how those land inside you. What are the feelings that come up?


As you're sitting with what came up for you during this exercise, consider a few ideas about passionate spark.
The typical couple starts off with a great deal of excitement and passion between them.
As we've said many times, the problem is that "life gets in the way" and they allow that passion to fade away--and no one knows exactly where it goes.


Passion can fade to nothing but it can also be
re-ignited if that's what both people want.
And what if that "butterfly" passion was never there to begin with?
It can be pretty difficult (but not impossible) to "manufacture" it--unless both people really want it to happen.
They have to find ways to open to each other and look at each other differently.


If this relationship is really important to you and you want to keep it--and you are open to creating a little more "zing" with him--open yourself to the idea that it just might be possible with him.
Open you heart to him in a different way and start thinking of him in a little different way.


When you feel passionate toward him, when he stirs anything inside you--let alone butterflies--nurture that feeling and don't dismiss it as not being enough.


Some people have trouble thinking of a healthy, loving relationship in the same sentence as passion--and their beliefs get in the way when they finally find a "good" relationship.
If this is happening, start opening the door for the belief that you can have a healthy, loving relationship AND passion--all with the same man and see what happens.
Of course with passion, there's that unspoken
element of chemistry and attraction that can't
be denied.


We're saying that if passion is important and
you're in a good relationship, start taking some action to ignite it.
To answer your last question...


"How do I know if this will work or if I should date around more?"


One way to look at it is that this relationship is working and is giving you what you need in the moment. It's teaching you what it feels like to be in a loving, healthy relationship that's comfortable.


Is that all there is?


Doesn't have to be if you and your partner want more.
We suggest you explore what you want and then open to the possibility of having it with this person before you go off to another one.


Settling for less than what you want usually
causes tension in a relationship so we don't
advise anyone to "settle."


We advise you to make conscious choices that will take you toward what you want in this moment and then in the next moment.
The bottom line is that you might truly be noticing something that you feel will be missing from your relationship and your life if you don't have it.


Or


You may be noticing where you need to put more of your attention in this relationship. 

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No one more attractive than you for your mate

A new study has given credibility to the famous saying 'beauty lies in the eye of the beholder' by finding that our partners think we are far better looking than we actually are.

Scientists at Groningen University in the Netherlands have shown that most of us think our long-term partners are the most gorgeous thing we have ever set eyes on. The researchers asked 93 couples to rate their own and their partners' attractiveness. The couples were typically in their late 30s and had been together for an average of 14 years.

It was found that volunteers of both sexes gave their partners far higher scores than they gave themselves. The researchers said we tend to undervalue our own charms, while overrating the value our partners place on stereotypically attractive physical features.

"This assumption is consistent with a broader line of research that shows that individuals tend to overestimate the extent to which members of the opposite sex value certain physical attributes," the Telegraph quoted them, as stating.

"Whereas women typically believe that men prefer a female shape thinner and larger busted than men actually prefer, men falsely assume that women prefer a heavier, more muscular and larger chested male physique than women actually want.

"Realising that one's partner holds a relatively positive view about one's body may alleviate some body-image concerns as well as the negative consequences that these concerns may have on the relationship," they added. The study appears in the journal Body Image.

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Lovemaking Not important As Cuddling

Love brings two people closer together. But according to the latest study a researcher from the Laboratory of Evolutionary Anthropology and Health at Binghamton University, Justin Garcia stated that most couples today prefer to cuddle and kiss their mate rather than lovemaking.

Doctors have proved that lovemaking helps in various ways and has the best of advantages too for both the male and female. People around the world have voted for cuddling and kissing to be much more intimate than lovemaking and it is what they crave for even more than physical intimacy from the opposite gender.

Justin Garcia, the researcher states that," People want emotional intimacy, to feel bonded and romantically attached to another." He further added that," This drive lies deep within our evolved biology; and while sex is important, so too is the drive to connect to a lover."
Cuddling is easy, you feel relaxed and for most women they get the secured feeling that they are safe. But most importantly, now that lovemaking is something that most couples do not find essential , the person whom you cuddle with should be special and above all matter to you. In the study conducted, 95 percent of couples say that they prefer cuddling other than lovemaking and in most romantic relationships, 97 percent of men and women stated that they like to cuddle up close with their partner, but in uncommitted sexual hook-ups only 52 percent of men and 61 percent of women like to cuddle.

Researcher Justin Garcia stated, " The sexes aren't as different in our desire for love as we often think. But it is important to note that the context of these affiliation gestures makes a lot of difference. In some cases, these behaviors are about trying to become emotionally closer to the partner. We quite often see that sex isn't always just about sex - it is often one of many ways to find someone to love."

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