How to Release Past Hurts and Betrayals for More Trust in Your Relationship

Here are some ideas that we have
used to help heal past hurts, create more trust, and deeper love and connection in our relationship...


1. Recognize when you are triggered and
carried into the past. Ask yourself if your anger, withdrawal or whatever you happen to do when you are triggered is either magnified by something that happened in your past or maybe even totally from your past.
In other words, can you identify whether you were triggered entirely by what's happening in the present or is your reaction mostly from what happened in your past?


2. Identify your thoughts and fears and question them. You may have heard the saying that fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. We suggest that you write your thoughts and fears on paper and then question their truth in your current life.


3. If you aren't sure whether your reactions
or fears are about the past or the present, ask your partner for a clarification about whatever triggered you before you react. Ask with curiosity, not blame.


4. Practice discernment. Create ways to
differentiate one partner from another when
you are triggered--whether your current partner is actually "doing" anything or treating you as someone in your past treated you--or not.


Ask yourself--"How is this person or this
experience different from my current partneror situation?" Find evidence that supports this difference.


You might even keep this "evidence" on a note card where you will see it often.


5. Remind yourself that "that was then and this is now." You are not the person you were when you had those previous experiences and although you may feel there are some similarities with your current partner, remind yourself that you can make different choices.


You can make those choices not from fear, but from what you want more of. You can choose to focus on what you want and not on what you don't want--and look for evidence that it's there.


That's not to say that you close your eyes to harmful patterns that are actually repeating in your life.
But it is to say that you look at what's happening in your present with honesty and curiosity and not stay stuck in past emotions.


Don't allow your past to create your present and future.