Depressed after your breakup? Here's some good advice...

When you watch television or read a magazine, it's hard to
miss the many ads for prescription medications used to treat
depression. 

As you hear the symptoms of depression listed on air or the
magazine page, you might begin to wonder if your broken
heart pain has turned into full-blown clinical depression. 

This is a valid concern. If you are depressed, it is
important that you obtain the help you need to move through
this difficult time. 

However, rushing to your doctor to get a prescription for
depression medication does not necessarily have to be your
next step. 

We don't want you to take risks with your mental health and
we are not trained to diagnose depression or any other
medical condition. 

We do want to share with you some information that can help
you find greater ease and that you can use to make the best
decisions about your present and your future. 

How can I tell the difference between sadness and
depression? 
In actuality, the symptoms for sadness-- which might result
after a breakup or divorce-- and clinical depression are
quite similar. 

It is understandable that many people hurry to their phones
to call their doctors after reading or watching an ad for
depression medication. At one time or another, a lot of us
feel a few (or all) of these symptoms. 

They are: 
lack of appetite
little or no energy 
trouble sleeping 
mood swings
difficulty concentrating 
no will to live*

All of these might be experienced by someone who is
grappling with a significant life change after a breakup or
divorce. 

The upheaval involved brings up sadness and grief for many. 
This sadness and grief might throw off a person's sleep,
mood, eating and other normal habits. 

But when symptoms like these persist and they are
accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and despondency that
do not improve when conditions of life improve, it might be
time to seek help from a trained professional. 

Another major difference between depression and sadness or
grief is that those who are depressed will consistently feel
overwhelmed and have difficulty coping with the everyday
activities and responsibilities of life for a prolonged
period of time. 

As you face major decisions after your breakup or divorce,
life might feel overwhelming a lot of the time. Coping with
all of this may feel difficult too. 

If so, ask yourself questions like these...
Are you able to emerge-- for a little while-- from feeling
overwhelmed and sad when you are with friends who make you
laugh? What about when you cuddle or stroke your pet? Do
you feel somewhat better when you hear a favorite song on
the radio? 

All of these indicate that it's highly likely you can and
will feel better. Whether you are dealing with broken heart
emotional pain or clinical depression, you can feel better
again. 

It is helpful to identify what is going on for you-- whether
this is sadness and grief or if it's depression-- so that
you can know what kind of support is best for you. 

How do I find the right kind of support for me? 

If you are concerned that you are depressed, please seek the
help of a qualified professional. There are a variety of
treatments for clinical depression-- some involve
prescription medications and many others do not. 

If you feel suicidal, please contact a help line or call a
professional mental health provider immediately.*

Here are a few other ideas to try also...

Diet-- Eat more whole foods and fewer sweets. Stay away from
alcohol and caffeine. Even though you're drawn to eating
chocolate or having another drink because you feel so bad--
don't.

Vitamins and Supplements-- Vitamin B6, Omega-3 fatty acids,
folic acid and St. Johns Wort can help improve your mood. 

Exercise-- When you incorporate even a regular brisk walk
into your daily routine, you will benefit from the
endorphins and other positive effects of regularly moving
your body. 

Friends and Family-- Be choosy about whom you spend time
with right now. Deliberately hang out with those that are
caring and uplifting more of the time.

Music/Art/Creativity-- Listen to music that lifts your
spirits, especially when you feel stuck in sadness. Pick up
a paint brush or sketch pad and tap into your artistic side.
Allow your creativity to be a vehicle for processing the
many emotions you might be having.

If you find you want to listen to the music that takes you
back to wonderful memories of your ex--stop yourself
from sliding into that hole and listen to something else.

Coach or Counselor-- Find a coach or counselor who is a good
fit for you. There are many approaches to healing and
working through emotional difficulties. 

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The 3 Minute Break-Up Pain Stopping Technique

Here's a very simple technique that takes 3 minutes that you can practice anytime you start to feel overwhelmed by your fearful, angry feelings and negative thoughts.

Use this technique when your negative thoughts and feelings are keeping you from functioning in your daily life and you want to shift them to more empowering ones. Negative thoughts and feelings can become a habit but they can also be changed.

1. SIT--Sit in a quiet place. (The bathroom will do).
    

2. SETTLE--Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, bringing your breath into your feet so that you feel grounded and connected to the earth. Feel yourself slowing down and your breathing deepen. (Maybe 30 seconds)
    

3. AWARENESS--Come into awareness of your negative thoughts in this moment. (What exactly are you thinking? Example: "I’m thinking that I'm a real loser when it comes to relationships.")
    

4. ASK—Ask yourself if you know your negative thoughts to be true—absolutely true. Can you find evidence to the contrary? Chances are you can find somewhere in your life where your thoughts cannot be substantiated.
    

5. ALLOW—Bring your attention to your heart or gut area and feel the sensations in your body. (What are you feeling in your body? Is there tightness, a big knot, emptiness, heaviness?) Allow your sensations to be there without judging them and breathe into that area of the body. (If you feel heavy in your heart area, breathe into that heaviness until the sensation softens. If you felt a knot in your gut area, breathe into that knot until it starts to loosen.)
    

6. REPLACE—Replace the limiting, self-defeating “movie” running in your head to one that is more in alignment with what you want in your life—because the reality is that both outcomes are possible. Run this new movie whenever you feel your negative thoughts coming up in the future. (If you know that your negative thoughts aren’t true but you see yourself alone forever and in pain, replace that "movie" with one that could happen that you'd like much better. See yourself taking your next step in an empowered way instead of the damaging cycle you find yourself in.)

Practice this as many times a day that you need. Keep a copy of it with your phone in case you are tempted to call your ex. Put a copy in your car to remind you to stop yourself before you drive by his or her new living situation.

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How to Communicate with Your Mate About the Tough Stuff: Jealousy

Joe's wife, Kristi, has a jealousy problem and he's had enough. It seems that every single day there is new drama in their marriage...generated by her.

It's often the same turn of events. Joe comes home a little late because he's been tied up at work or maybe he needs a little time to unwind after a long day, so he stops for a drink with a co-worker.

Then, when Joe does arrive home, it seems like he's always greeted with accusations and interrogations. Joe wants to know how to talk with Kristi about her jealousy before it's too late for their marriage.

When it comes to jealousy, talking with your partner in a way that doesn't tear you further apart can be really tricky.

It may be obvious to you that your mate has a problem. The number of times that he or she has flown off the handle and accused you of flirting, looking at others or even having an affair may be too many to count.

On the other hand, if you are the one who tends to get jealous, it may be obvious to you that your partner is the one with the problem.

Perhaps, from your point of view, he or she truly is a flirt and sometimes even talks, looks at or touches others in ways that you find inappropriate.

What's your perspective? 
When it comes to jealousy, your perspective can truly alter what you see. It can mean the difference between words or actions being innocent and "no big deal" OR them being suspicious and betraying.

This is really important to remember as you set about to communicate about jealousy in a way that helps you and your partner move closer together.

Try to move beyond the question of who's right and who's wrong.

You are certainly experiencing a situation in a particular way and your mate is probably experiencing the same situation differently.

In order for the two of you to be able to talk about what you each want and to create agreements you both can stick with, it's vital that you remind yourself that your perspective is not the only
perspective of what's going on.

Does this mean that you have to just sit there silently while, for example, your boyfriend so clearly checks out an attractive woman who walks by?

Of course not.

What it means is that instead of yelling around about it or storming off, you make a clear and, as calm as possible, choice about what you'll do next.

Speak honestly and about your feelings. The next time that Joe comes home late to an irate wife, he does something out of the ordinary.

He hears her litany of questions... "Where were you? How do I know you were really at work? When will you learn to treat me with respect and call me when you'll be late?"

Then, Joe tells Kristi that he's going to take a few moments by himself and then he'd like to talk with her about this whole situation.

She is surprised, because this is not Joe's usual reaction, which is to yell back at her that she needs to just trust him and stay out of his business.

During this time alone, Joe takes some deep breaths and calms down. When he steps back from his own perspective for a moment, he can understand why Kristi would be upset and even feel jealous and worried.

Joe returns to Kristi and apologizes for being late and for his habit of not calling to let her know his plans. He then opens up and shares with her how sad he feels about the tension and conflict between them lately.

He tells her that knows that he's not easy to live with and that he feels trapped and boxed in when Kristi lays in on him with accusations and interrogations.

Together, Joe and Kristi begin to sort through how they each feel. A greater understanding of where they are both coming from results.

There is no magic cure for jealousy.

But, when you can begin to own and communicate honestly about your emotions and you take responsibility for your share in the habits that are driving you two apart, magical things can happen.

Choose words that reflect your experience of the situation. Do not label your partner's experience or guess what he or she wants or is feeling.

You can always ask questions to get more information about what's happening for him or her.

For example, Joe says to Kristi, "I get really angry when you automatically assume that I'm sleeping around with another woman because I get home late. But, I wonder if you are afraid that that's exactly what I'm doing when I don't call. Is that true for you?"

When you ask a question, be sure you really listen to your mate's response. Even if you don't agree with his or her perspective, you might be able to better understand what's going on for him or her when you do.

From this place of listening and sharing honestly, you and your partner can create agreements that will help you to overcome jealousy, bolster trust and begin to move closer together. 

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How to Say "No" to Your Jealous Partner

Andy is sick and tired of coming home after a hard day at the office to his wife, Caroline's, incessant questions. Almost as soon as he enters their house, her probing inquiries begin.

"Who did you meet with today?"
"I don't know her. Is she someone you see often?"
"Where did you go for lunch this afternoon?"
"Did you eat alone?"
"When did you have lunch?"
"Why didn't you e-mail or text me to check in?"

After Andy attempts to answer Caroline's questions, he feels annoyed and defensive. Andy knows that Caroline had a painful past before they began dating. She has a lot from her childhood to deal with as well as a couple of bad relationships before they met.

At the same time, Andy is worn out and, frankly, done being patient with Caroline's daily interrogations that are fueled by her jealousy. He doesn't know what to do other than give in and answer each question or to abruptly demand space and walk away.

If you are with a jealous partner, you might relate to Andy's dilemma.

You may love and care very much about your partner and your relationship. You feel you have nothing to hide and have done nothing wrong, which is why his or her jealous behavior toward you is so frustrating!

Most of all, what you might want to do is to tell your mate that "No, I will not answer your jealous questions"...but you don't because you're worried about really setting him or her off.

We urge you not to give up on your love relationship or marriage if you truly want to be with your current partner. There are ways to communicate and set boundaries with your jealousy partner that can actually improve your relationship.

Do the advance work... 
There may be a pattern to when your partner is most obviously jealous. It could be when you two have been apart all day. Or, it might be when you are out together (or separately) socially.

Begin to pay attention to the situations and even the words that you use that seem to trigger a jealous reaction from your mate. Look for ways that you might be inadvertently triggering the jealous reaction.

Let's be clear here-- we are NOT saying that your partner's jealousy is your fault. We do want you to be aware of slight changes to your own habits that could ease this situation, however.

Take the time to ask yourself what you could differently-- without compromising what is important to you-- that might be less likely to trigger your mate.

One thing might be to interrupt an interrogation or accusation in progress and request that you two talk about this issue later, when you are not feeling defensive and when your partner can calm down and re-evaluate what he or she thinks is happening.

Allow your partner to own his or her jealousy...
As much as you'd like to "fix" or "solve" your mate's jealousy problem, you can't.

If you apply labels to your partner or try to figure out his or her jealousy habit and then expect your mate to be grateful to you for this, you're probably going to be disappointed.

What you CAN do is to be honest when you feel wrongly accused or that your privacy and space is being invaded. It's up to you how much transparency you are willing to provide to your jealous partner.

(If you've had an affair or broken trust, even if your partner is jealous it may be wise for you to be transparent.)

When your mate does take ownership for being jealous, be supportive and ask how you can work with him or her to help improve your relationship.

Say "No" and set boundaries with love and an invitation to connect...
When you set a boundary with your jealous partner, do so with love and be clear that it is your intention to connect, even though you are essentially saying "No" to the jealous habit.

If you are tired of being asked to account for what you did and who you were with every second of every day, think about how you could say "No" to this request for information with kindness.

For example, you might say, "I am not going to answer your questions right now. I love you and I will share with you about my day after I have had a chance to relax and unwind."

You could also say something like, "I feel annoyed and accused when you greet me at the door with questions like this. I would love to hear how your day was and also let you know how my day was as a way to connect with one another. Will you make a shift and talk with me in this different way?"

Saying "No" to a jealous partner does not have to mean more distance and disconnection between the two of you. In fact, when you communicate your boundaries with a sense of honesty, openness and love, you can help support your partner as he or she overcomes jealousy. 

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7 RIDICULOUS LAWS AGAINST WOMEN

1. In Maryland, a woman cannot go through her husband’s pockets while he is sleeping. Not even if she really wants a piece of gum.
2. In Vermont, a woman must obtain written permission from her husband if she wishes to wear false teeth. Because women really lead with their teeth in wanton, uncontrolled sexuality.
3. In Tucson, Arizona, women are not allowed to wear pants. No word on the stance on booty shorts or thongs.
4. In Carrizozo, New Mexico, it is illegal for a woman to appear unshaven in public. Rejoice, razor industry, rejoice!
5. In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to call a man on a date. I don’t want to live in a world where equal-opportunity drunk dialing isn’t free to all.
6. In Carmel, New York, women may not wear high heels within the city limits. They are obviously just protecting their citizens, as this move effectively disqualifies the city from ever letting a “Sex and the City” sequel to be shot in their town. Good move, Carmel!
7. In Michigan, a woman isn’t allowed to cut her hair without her husband’s permission. But what if her husband cuts it for her?

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Get rid of your past relationship traumas

Everyone and everything has a history as times weans away. The memories will be good or bad and may fade away as the sickle of time runs its rounds. However in many people's lives their past plays a prominent role, bringing out heartbreaking experiences at some instances. Know how to get rid of your oppressing past and to lead a life of success.

People often remember their past bad experiences at many instances in the present life. Lovers who have suffered the worst experience of rejection may not be able to trust the next person in their lives. It is the same case with lovers who have endured an abusive relationship. They may even have the misconceptions of abuse even when others correct them for genuine mistakes. The most severe cases are those when people come out of relationships that they had forced into. These people may even turn into misogynists who have been denied of the bliss of love forever.

People who had a happier past than their present lives may always crave for their lost glories. They may miss their loved one or the love they had received at most instances. If they are engaged with a new partner, they may often show the tendency to compare him/her with their ex-lover. The feeling that they may never receive the old love and caring will often put them into unhappiness and depressions. This in turn may spoil the happiness of their partners and those around the person too.

The third group of people who are haunted by their past are quite dangerous people. They may often blame their past relations for their imagined unhappiness and would all set to spoil their ex-relations' lives. They may try to bring back the lost happiness in their past by force. These people's obsession with the past will spoil the peace of their loves as well as others' lives.

If you are a person suffering from your past; it is time for you to wake up. You present life may be a better one than the traumas that you had experienced in the past. On the other hand if you want to relive the past happy moments, consider why you had stepped out of those happy moments. You must do this without comparing your present life with the past. Surprisingly you may find that there is factor that prompted you out of those moments that give happiness and zest to your present life.

Always remember that when you succumb to your past, you are damaging your happiness as well as those related to you. Once you get out of a relationship, you must be ready to close the chapter there forever. There is no turning back and you must be brave at heart to face the consequences. Once you are brave at heart, neither your past nor the haunting ghosts from past can haul you to the unnecessary pits of misery.

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