Have you seen those big "dust bunnies" that form under
your bed or any other place in your house that somehow
get missed by that weekly sweep of the dust mop? The
formation of "dust bunnies" can be very similar to how
it is in your relationships when you keep your emotions
and your truth from the people in your lives.
There are many reasons we allow "dust" to collect in our
relationships and fear is always at the bottom. One of
the biggest reasons is we don't want to "rock the boat" or
shake the status quo by saying what is true for us.
Although the present situation may not be the best, we
fear that revealing how we really feel will make it worse.
What we secretly fear is that our relationship will be
torn apart by saying what we feel and sharing what's
important to us.
Most of us don't realize that there can't be a true
connection with another person without expression of
truth. What is not expressed to the other person usually
eventually comes up, in ways that are far more damaging to
the relationship.
People somehow believe they are being loving when they
withhold perceived unpleasant information from their
partner. Not being forthcoming with your feelings is
living with a lie and can ultimately create a separation
between the two of you.
Not speaking your truth as soon as you know it can create
more problems than you realize because it leads to what
we call "the Big 3."
These are: Assumptions, Resentments and Guilt. If you
allow assumptions, resentments and guilt to get out of
control, you become disconnected from other people which
leads to emotional or physical separation.
The reason we make assumptions is that we don't know what
the people in our lives are thinking, feeling or what's
important to them. Either they haven't shared their thoughts
with us or we haven't asked, or maybe both.
Resentments build when we become angry and continue to hold
onto the anger. As a result, one or both people do not
speak what they are feeling and their needs are not being
met.
Guilt becomes a big issue in relationships because we end
up spending a great deal of emotional energy on "I should
have told a truth" or something else that is important in
the relationship. Guilt comes because of "shoulds."
Both of us have had challenges with speaking our truth and
have had to learn to trust each other in order to open up.
We've discovered that when you do this in relationships,
you no longer make assumptions because you know that
honest communication will prevent any 'dust' from
accumulating between you. Having the courage to share
what might tear the relationship apart is very empowering
and can even be liberating.
So whether you find it difficult to speak your truth because
you fear hurting your partner, making assumptions about
your partner, or upsetting or possibly ending your
relationship, we challenge you to contact your higher
wisdom now to find out what is holding you back from
authentic communication.
*********************************
1) What is the single biggest fear that you have in
speaking your truth in your relationships?
2) What intention or agreement can you make with
yourself or with your partner concerning speaking your
truth?
************************
TIPS for speaking your truth
1) Practice the TIPS for feeling your feelings.
2) If you have difficulty feeling your feelings in the
moment, you may need to give each other space to discover
those feelings. When this happens to one of us, we always
set a time when we will discuss the issue again.
3) If you have problems speaking your truth, start
small. Start with something that is inconsequential like
choosing a restaurant for a dinner out instead of agreeing
to go wherever your partner wants to go.
4) Ask for your partner's attention when you want to
speak, if that's a problem. Turn off the television and
find a quiet spot.
0 comments:
Post a Comment