Is it time?

HI All

Wow it's been what feels like a life time since I last posted on here. Think it's time I revive this blog. Keep reading for an update on what's been going on and maybe I'll include some writing from a more personal perspective. That could prove quite interesting............

Read more »

Ideas about how to keep your relationship passionate, alive and growing over the years...

Here are a few ideas about how to keep your 
relationship passionate, alive and growing over
the years...

1. Make small changes and look for what happens
for the better.

Try one suggestion--make one small change in the
way you interact with your partner-- and look for one 
small thing that is better.

It might be that you've gotten into a habit of putting
your partner down--maybe in fun--but it's no longer
funny to him or her, if it ever was.

One small change might be to stop when you feel
the urge to make fun of your partner and instead
don't say anything or give him or her a compliment.

Maybe your partner puts you down and it's meant
as a joke but you don't think it's funny. 

One small change might be to tell him or her how
it feels to you.


"It may not have been your intention to hurt me but when
you said _________, I felt embarrassed (or whatever you
felt)"

2. Remember to focus on what's going right.

We know that in our relationship, when we focus on what's
going right instead of what's wrong, we feel closer to one
another and more connected.

Now of course there are certainly times when you need
to focus on what's wrong--if there truly is something going
on that is against your values or your agreements with
one another.

But don't let resentment build without dealing with it and
getting some resolution.

Then when you have resolution, don't hang onto the hurt
in the past. Bring yourself into the present and focus on
what's right in the present moment.

That's how passion, connection and trust are rebuilt and
stay strong--one moment at a time and in the present
moment.

The question is...

Are you living together or dying together?

Are you growing together or growing apart more of the time?

Are you moving forward together or backwards separately?

Read more »

Is it Possible to "Agree to Disagree" with Your Partner and Stay Connected?

We've all been there.

You and someone you care deeply about just don't see eye to eye about a particular issue. You may debate with one another and even argue in favor of your perspective, but to no avail.

You and this special someone in your life finally decide to "agree to disagree" about this topic.

It's usually far easier to "agree to disagree" with an extended family member, a friend or a co-worker. After all, quite often you don't live with these people and there is some amount of distance between you that makes this kind of a pseudo-resolution work.

But when you and your partner in a love relationship or marriage have reached the point that neither of you is willing to budge and the only thing you can do is "agree to disagree," disconnection can result.

While it's true you cannot force your mate to believe that your perspective is better and it's inadvisable to simply go along with your partner's plan to "keep the peace," you do need to find a way to communicate about this tricky topic and keep your connection strong.

With an open heart and a willingness to listen, you may find that you and your partner don't have to see eye to eye about everything and you can still stay close.

Joe and Brandy have been through this discussion before and, yet again, it's ended up in a stalemate. Joe thinks that it's time their teenage son start learning to drive.

Although their son is only 14, Joe wants to begin teaching him how to drive-- starting out in parking lots or on rural roads.

Brandy is staunchly against this idea. She's read the statistics of how many teen boys get into car accidents and she would rather their son wait until he's 18 to drive, not 14.

Brandy is willing to consider driving lessons for their son when he's 16, but not a day
sooner!

After going round and round about this, Joe and Brandy have decided to "agree to disagree." The problem is, Joe is beginning to think that he and their son will have to sneak these driving lessons that Joe feels strongly about if they're ever going to happen.

Get to the heart of the matter. 
Whatever it is that you and your partner have "agreed to disagree" about, take some time to get a deeper look at the issue for you. If you feel so strongly about this that you are willing to dig in your heels, it is probably a hot button issue for you!

When you think about this topic, what are your dominant thoughts and feelings? Does this situation remind you of anything that happened in your past?

You might want to write down the observations you make about your thoughts, feelings and recalled memories. These can help you get a better grasp of the dimensions of this issue.

When Brandy takes a deeper look at the question of their son learning to drive at the age of 14, she feels a preponderance of fear. She is fearful about her son getting hurt or hurting others accidentally.

She also realizes that she is fearful and sad about her son getting older and more independent.

Brandy can now see that a part of her wants to delay his growing up as much as she can. While she feels a bit embarrassed by this realization, it is helps Brandy get clearer about her position on the matter.

Don't make it about winning or losing. 
Sometimes when a couple gets stuck in a disagreement, one or both of them is attached to the idea of "winning" the discussion. Although this might not be the conscious thought, it is the compulsion all the same.

Inwardly and honestly reflect on your motivations. If you are wanting to "win" about this disagreement, acknowledge that to yourself.

Simply admitting that you are feeling competitive, defensive or prideful can help you to ease up. You can then begin to re-focus on the actual issue at hand.

If one or both of you is feeling powerless in some way in your relationship, you might feel compelled to "win." Ask yourself what you need in order to feel more powerful and then set aside a separate time when you can make requests of your partner that can help you.

It might also be that you don't feel powerful in your life in general. See what changes you can make in how you view yourself, your abilities and your life in order to make a shift and improve how you are feeling.

Open up to better understand. 
Keep yourself as open as you can when you are communicating with your mate about this topic upon which you two have "agreed to disagree."

This will probably require you to do the inner work we've suggested above so that when you talk about the issue, you are really able to hone in on it.

Joe has realized that "winning" with Brandy-- especially about this topic-- is very important to him. Joe feels like Brandy has lead the way in parenting their children over the years and he'd like to step up and take control in this area.

Remembering the special times he had with his father when he learned how to drive as a teen, Joe wants to create new memories with his own son.

As Joe realizes his deeper feelings about all of this, he is able to loosen up around his position somewhat.

When Joe and Brandy sit down again, they are both feeling less intense about each of their "sides" and they can stay open to truly listen to one another. They feel more confident that they can come up with a resolution and decision that both of them can feel good about.

As you listen to understand your partner and how he or she feels about this particular topic, you won't necessarily come away with a changed mind-- neither will your mate.

What can be different is that you and your partner will each feel listened to and probably better understood. You might realize that what your mate is asking for or suggesting is an idea that has some merit after all.

From this point of feeling heard and better understood, the two of you can make choices while also moving closer together. 

Read more »

10 fun and wallet-friendly date ideas

Tired of the boring dinner and a movie combo? Revitalise your relationship with these fun date ideas, no bank breaking involved!

So you’ve been together for a while and well, quite frankly, your dates have become more drab than fab! Yes, we know that the economy has taken a turn for the worse and everything is just so expensive (blah blah), but getting stuck in a relationship rut is never fun.

Try these 10 ideas!

1. Be amused

Amusement parks are an excellent option if you are looking for a fun date idea. Unleash your inner child and enjoy a full day’s activity, often for less than the price of a fancy dinner!

This is a date that offers something for everyone, whether you enjoy the thrill of rollercoaster rides, shows or simply exploring, you’re sure to find an activity that suits your tastes. Gold Reef City and Ratanga Junction are excellent homegrown options.

2. Play miniature golf

This fun activity gives couples the opportunity to relax and enjoy the game while keeping some friendly competition alive.

Adventure Golf has options in Durban, Cape Town and Johannesburg, and with three games per ticket redeemable for 12 months, it’s a cost effective option too.

3. Visit a video game arcade

These places are filled with all of the latest video games as well as a few old fashioned ones that will remind you of your youth. Just grab some tokens and stay entertained for hours.

You and your date can either complete directly in two-player games or work as a team in other games.

4. Keep it in the community

If you have planned your all-day date for a Saturday, then you will be able to find plenty of fun things to do. Check out your newspaper for flea markets, garage sales and other community events that cost nothing to attend.

You may even find some really great deals on fun and unusual items. See if there are any concerts or plays at local parks, or take in a fun workshop with activities you both enjoy.

5. Pack a picnic

Take a drive in the country, and find a nice place to go for a leisurely walk through the woods, or along a sandy beach. If you’re closer to the city, a botanical garden offers a wonderful backdrop.

Prepare a fun lunch that you and your date can enjoy on a picnic. Make tasty sandwiches, cupcakes and all kinds of other delicious treats that the two of you can eat just about anywhere. Don’t forget to pack a Frisbee or ball to keep you entertained.

6. Exercise your grey matter

Pub quiz nights allow you a chance to enjoy delicious hearty, well-priced, pub fare while you work with your team to answer as many general knowledge questions as possible, often with hilarious results! Prizes often include drinks and bar tabs – score! Check with your favourite local pub when their quiz night is.

7. Go dancing

Many clubs waive the cover charge if you get there early, so head out for some cocktail sundowners and get ready to dance the night away. FTV Cafes and Café Vacca Matta have excellent finger food menus if you’re feeling a bit peckish.

8. Laugh a little

Participating in an improvisation class can be another fun date idea. Many comedy clubs offer these classes during the day. In the class you will be challenged to participate in several games that force you to think on your feet with hilarious consequences. Alternatively visit a comedy club at night and enjoy a laughter-filled evening.

9. Unleash your inner child

Visiting a local playground is another fun date idea. Many adults haven’t been to a playground since they were children and a nostalgic trip can help you to feel young again. Racing each other up the slide and seeing who can swing higher on the swings are fun ways to keep things lighthearted with your partner.

10. Get sporty

Playing a sport such as tennis or soccer is another fun date idea. Bowling or shooting pool are also good options. The physical activity of this date will draw you and your partner closer together.

You will also enjoy the thrill of competition as each of you strives to win the game. Spice things up and let the winner decide exactly what he/she wants the loser to do!

Yes, it’s important to place a high value on your relationship and treasure your partner, but after having a thousand 5-star dinners, even the most refined palate craves a sandwich! Fancy dinners and trips to the theatre are nice but they don’t really allow the couple just to relax and have fun together, and isn’t that what Date Night is all about?

Read more »

Trust, Communication and Their Challenges in Relationships...

If communication is a challenge for you right now in your relationships, 
one of the biggest issues may be a lack of trust. 

If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life, 
we don't have to tell you how painful it is.

Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without. 
If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of 
everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor 
unhealed resentments which get in the way of clear communication. 

In short, if for whatever reason you can't trust no matter how hard you 
try, you'll keep your partner at a distance and not let them get too close 
to you which most likely will impact your communication with them. 

Sometimes people who have trouble communicating tell us things like... "I 
don't know why I can't talk to my husband. He hasn't done anything to 
deserve my mistrust," "I just can't seem to open up to my partner no 
matter what I do," "I'm always saying the wrong thing and I simply don't 
know how to talk with her anymore," and finally "I don't know how to deal 
with her lies anymore." 

What we've discovered is that no one is born with communication or trust 
issues. They are created from real or imagined fears about what may or may 
not be happening in their relationships. 

If there are trust issues and communication is difficult, one or both of 
the following explanations are usually underneath them:

1. The person is in a relationship with someone who has violated trust in 
some way and maybe even continues to violate it.

2. The person has had trust violated in past relationships and has created 
real fears in the present moment about events and circumstances that may 
or may not be happening in their current relationship.

The paradox of trust issues is that in order to heal trust, you have to be 
willing to open your heart and take conscious, intelligent risk. Most 
people who struggle with this issue have felt pain that is so great that 
they have shut themselves off from opening their hearts again. It's very 
difficult for them to move past this point.

Here are a few suggestions for "Creating Relationship Trust" 
that may help you begin to trust again and improve your communication:

1. Pay attention to the fears you are feeling, honor those feelings while 
discovering whether there is any truth to your fears.

2. We all tell stories to ourselves about everything in our lives. If you 
are telling yourself untrue stories about what is or may be happening, 
then stop yourself. Begin to trust in yourself that you can change the 
stories you tell yourself about your life or your relationships. 

3. Ask yourself this question-"Is my reaction really about what's 
happening right now?" If your answer is yes, then have the courage to deal 
honestly with your situation. If your answer is no, then have the courage 
to stop yourself from creating separation and distance by saying and doing 
things that will harm your relationship.

4. Keep in mind that learning to trust others starts with you. If there 
are blatantly untrustworthy people in your life right now, then you are 
being asked to look at yourself and discover how you can heal from your 
past. If you make up stories about people who are really trustable, you 
are still called to begin a healing process.

Please know that no matter what has happened in your relationships up 
until now that trust can be built and it CAN be rebuilt if it's been 
broken. 

Read more »

Communication E-Course--DAY 8 - ‏Take responsibility for your part in the communication dance

We've all heard the phrase "It takes two to tango", but in 
the "dance" we call relationships, how many of us really 
believe it and live it? 

The truth is not many. 

In a relationship where communication is an issue, there 
are usually two ways people take responsibility and both 
create challenges:

1. Either they take far more than their share of 
responsibility, playing the martyr or 
2. They don't accept any or very little responsibility, 
playing the victim. 

What we're going to suggest in this session is that the 
best way to communicate with each other is in a third, 
more empowering way. This way of communicating is based 
on the idea of a conscious partnership. 

In a conscious partnership, both people are total partners 
in all ways.

In a conscious partnership, each person accepts the idea 
that he/she is the creator of everything in his/her life. 

In a conscious partnership, each partner accepts 100% of 
responsibility for their own actions and for expressing 
their true selves-- especially in their communication with 
each other. 

Some people have accumulated negative connotations 
surrounding the word "responsibility." Either they've 
felt like they have had to take on much more responsibility 
in life than they wanted or they've tried to escape 
accepting responsibility, either consciously or 
unconsciously.

Taking responsibility does not mean, "fixing someone" or 
making them wrong and you right, or vise versa. 

It also doesn't mean that one person is more responsible 
than the other to make the relationship work. 

When it comes to communication issues in relationships, 
taking 100% responsibility means committing to 
authentically communicating straight from your heart with 
the people in your life in all ways as much of the time 
as possible.


Examples of When We Don't Take Responsibility... 

Here's how not taking responsibility for our part of the 
communication dance can negatively affect our 
relationships: 

1. When we blame others. 
By blaming others for a communication issue or problem, we 
are placing ALL of the responsibility on someone else. Even 
if the other person could have (or should have) done a 
better job of communicating with you, you have to take your 
share of the responsibility for the communication gap, 
problem or issue as well. Very often, most of us aren't 
willing to do that. Most of us would rather spend our time 
being stuck in our "rightness" instead of spending that same 
time trying to reconnect and make our relationship stronger. 

2. When we hold back. 
By holding back and not sharing our whole truth, then we're 
not being 100% in the relationship. When you're holding 
back in your communication for any reason while wanting to 
have a deep, connected relationship, it is a lot like 
sticking your big toe in the water and calling it swimming. 
It just doesn't work. In the short term, holding back may 
seem like a good idea to help us avoid some pain. But, in 
the long term, holding back in our communication will never 
serve the highest good of the relationship if our intention 
is to have open, honest communication and a deep, connected 
relationship. 

3. When we make assumptions.
By making assumptions about something or someone we are 
simply guessing that we know or understand how another 
person thinks, feels or what's important to them. Before 
you start making assumptions that could be potentially 
damaging to a relationship, take responsibility for getting 
clear about anything that seems fuzzy or unclear to you. 

4. When we're not conscious about our feelings or 
what's important to us.

We've had several people ask us at our workshops and 
seminars, "What if I just don't know what I want or what 
I'm feeling?" Our answer is that if you don't know what 
you're thinking or feeling, go underneath to explore your 
thoughts and feelings and see what it is you're afraid 
you'll expose or unearth if you really get to the core 
of your feelings. In that space, you will find a place 
to begin your healing. Exploring your feelings takes 
attention and intention. If you find feelings that are 
difficult for you to handle alone, make sure you contact 
a psychologist to help you.

The previous examples of how we don't take responsibility 
are only four ways they can manifest. There are many others 
we could explore but these were the biggies. 

In Otto's opinion, the core issue that ended his first 
marriage was the inability of both he and his wife to 
accept their share of responsibility--no more, no less--in 
the relationship. Otto didn't communicate his needs and 
by default, his wife ran their lives by her rules until 
the marriage had clearly run out of gas and he decided to 
leave the marriage. 

There was also a responsibility challenge between Susie and 
her first husband because neither one of them acknowledged 
to each other that there was anything wrong with their 
relationship until it was too late.

Very early in our relationship, we recognized that this was 
a major issue for both of us. So, what we did was create 
the agreement between us that we would each take 100% 
responsibility for communicating our thoughts, fears, joys 
and ideas in this relationship. What this means to us is 
that we will each tell each other when we feel hurt, 
misunderstood, or angry as soon as we recognize the feeling 
within us. Also, it is a commitment to accept that we 
are each creating our own experiences and to move into 
healing the situation rather than hanging on to being right. 

Some time ago, Susie said something that hurt and angered 
Otto. He took a short amount of time to go inside himself 
to identify what he was feeling. Instead of holding it in 
and not speaking about it, he told Susie how he was feeling. 
He took responsibility for telling her that he was hurt and 
in the process, uncovered some unresolved issues that didn't 
have anything to do with her. She listened and accepted 
that he was hurt by what she had said, although she hadn't 
realized it before he told her. A deeper issue for Susie 
also came to light during their sharing. As they continued 
to talk, Susie asked him how she could say what she said 
differently in the future and he gave her some suggestions. 

In this example, both of us took responsibility, both of us 
listened to each other, both of us expressed how we felt and 
we both agreed on how we would do it differently in the 
future. Because we each felt "heard," there was a shift 
between us from disconnection to connection. 

*************************
Now, take a look at responsibility in your relationships.

1. What does the word "responsibility" mean to you?



2. Do you tend to take more of your share of 
responsibility in your relationships or less? In what 
ways?



3. How does this play out in your communication with 
the people in your life?



4. If you have a partner and you are doing this course 
together, discuss some ways that you can both be more 
responsible in your communication with each other. If you're 
doing this course by yourself, talk with a trusted friend 
about this session and discuss some of these ideas. Then 
write down some ways you can begin being more responsible 
in healthy ways in your communication and your 
relationships. 



5. What agreements are you willing to make either with 
yourself or with your partner about communicating that will 
help both of you take 100% responsibility in your 
relationships?




********************************


TIPS for taking your share of responsibility
1. Remember that you can't change another person. 
You can only change yourself. If someone is not taking 
responsibility the way you think he or she should, you 
are only in charge of YOU and not that other person.

2. By you taking your share and only your share of 
responsibility, you are changing the dynamics between the 
two of you.

Read more »

Communication E-Course--DAY 5‏ - Stay in the Present Moment

Has this ever happened to you? Somebody says something to 
you that immediately triggers negativity that seems to be 
an overblown reaction to the situation. You don't have a 
clue why you are so upset and you wonder just where that 
feeling came from. Your reaction may be to lash out at the 
other person or withdraw emotionally and/or physically.

Tony Robbins would call this a 'negative anchor'--something 
that is said or something that is experienced that you 
consciously or unconsciously associate with a previous 
negative event. 

We've discovered that what's really going on, in cases like 
this, is that you have been pulled out of the present moment. 
Whether you're conscious of it or not something triggered you 
to go into a behavior pattern that you have gone into many 
times before. This potentially destructive pattern is probably 
something you aren't aware of in the moment. It may or may 
not be familiar to you, but in any case, it probably doesn't 
serve you or your relationships in a positive way. 


What most of us do when communication gets difficult...

You've probably heard the words "fight, flight or freeze" 
many times before. For most of us, being familiar with these 
words still doesn't stop us from going into one of these 
patterns when we find ourselves in difficult situations.

We've learned that most people go into 'fight, flight or 
freeze' to protect themselves from painful feelings that 
are difficult or impossible to experience at the time they 
are happening. But, the problem is many people get stuck 
in this pattern, repeating it over and over, when it is no 
longer necessary. 

These three defense mechanisms are useful sometimes in our 
lives, but if you want to begin the healing process and 
create close, connected, alive relationships, you have to 
be willing to explore what you are feeling and have the 
courage to change this reaction.

We think that the goal is to be so conscious and aware of 
what we are feeling that when we get triggered by what 
someone says or does, we are able to simply recognize and 
express what we are feeling without fear, judgment or blame 
and without jumping into past patterns. 

Fight, Flight or Freeze can manifest in a number of 
different ways. All three of these reactions stem from the 
fear that your wants and needs won't be met. For example, 
fighting doesn't necessarily mean putting on the gloves and 
throwing things at each other. 

Fighting can mean holding on to the need to be right, staying 
stuck in your anger, or holding on to the desire for 
validation and to be understood. It can also mean yelling 
and physically lashing out. Fighting is holding your ground 
with your "rightness" no matter what. 

Fleeing (flight) doesn't only mean running away physically. 
It most often manifests as withdrawing emotionally to protect 
yourself so you won't have to speak or feel painful feelings 
and emotions. Fleeing can be turning on the television, 
eating or going to visit a friend instead of dealing with 
the situation. When you flee or run from what's going on 
emotionally or physically, the issues are there and won't 
go away until you come back and deal with them. 

Freezing means getting stuck and not being able to move 
from the impasse of the situation. It can also mean 
shutting down emotionally so you won't feel the pain of an 
unpleasant situation. Very often we freeze because we don't 
know what to do next, don't have the confidence in our 
abilities or in ourselves, or have the belief that our life 
situation will be different beyond this moment. Many people 
who are frozen and are feeling stuck in their situations have 
adopted the belief that it's better to deal with the devil 
you know than the devil you don't know. Because of this, 
they stay stuck right where they are in situations they are 
unhappy with and which do not serve them.

When you find yourself reacting in one of those three ways 
with the people in your life, stop your normal pattern and 
reaction. Take a few moments to recognize what it is you're 
thinking and feeling. Come into the present moment, allow 
yourself to feel your feelings and express them if 
appropriate to do so. 

No matter how much fighting, fleeing, or freezing seems to 
be serving you in the moment, the undeniable truth is that 
when you are stuck in any of these patterns, it is impossible 
to communicate from your heart with the people in your life.

We've discovered that one of the best ways to move from 
these patterns is to come into the present moment. 

One way you can tell if you're not in the present moment, 
is if you've got a lot of mental chatter going on in your 
mind. Mental chatter can come in many forms, like judging 
others and yourself, living in the past or making 
assumptions about the future. Whatever form it takes, 
your mental chatter blocks you from hearing and understanding 
others and allows very little chance for true connection 
with yourself and with other people. 

****************************
Here's an exercise to help you to gain a better 
understanding of how these patterns work in your life. 

Close your eyes and feel yourself in a situation where you 
have been in a fight, flight or freeze pattern. Just feel 
what happens in your body. Tune into yourself and feel what 
you are feeling right now, where you are feeling it and 
breathe into that place within yourself. Keep breathing 
until you feel the feeling soften and the pattern leaving. 
Bring yourself into the present moment and acknowledge that 
you have used this pattern for your protection in the past 
but maybe it doesn't serve you any longer. Write your 
experience here.




Answer the following questions for further self-discovery 
about staying in the present moment:

1. Which of these patterns do you most frequently go 
into and how does it manifest in your daily life?




2. What agreement can you make with yourself or with 
another person about staying in the present moment and 
healing your fight, flight or freeze patterns?




*********************************

TIPS for coming into the present moment
1) Practice the Tips for feeling your feelings in the 
previous lesson.

2) Focus on what's happening right here, right now--with 
the person who is in front of you.

3) Notice if your reaction to the situation seems 
overblown and much more intense that you think the situation 
warrants.

4) Ask yourself if this situation reminds you of anything 
that has happened in the past with this person or another 
person.

5) If yes, this may be a pattern that you need to heal 
within yourself by doing some forgiveness work, letting go 
of past resentments or setting boundaries in your personal 
life.

6) If you experience mental chatter that blocks you 
from communicating to connect with other people, practice 
taking 1 or 2 minute breaks throughout the day. Take a break 
from all of the projects and chaos in your life. Quiet your 
mind and concentrate on your breathing. Slow your breathing 
down and allow thoughts to float by without being attached 
to them. You've probably heard this before, but this time 
actually try it for at least one day. If you do, you will 
notice a calmness and a sense of presence that you haven't 
had before.


******************
A common complaint that many people share with us is that 
they are having a great deal of difficulty communicating 
with a partner who has shut down emotionally. He or she 
is almost certainly locked in "fight, flight or freeze."
Here are some ideas to help you and your partner move from 
these patterns and create a more loving relationship:

TIPS for improving communication with a partner who is 
locked in "fight, flight or freeze" and emotionally shut 
down

1) Find a way to let your partner know that you are 
their friend and not the enemy.

2) Explain what you are seeing, feeling and thinking 
and experiencing in the moment without judging. One way 
you might be able to do this is compare and contrast these 
feelings with how you felt when the two of you were 
communicating at your best and when you were truly happy. 
Share with your partner specific differences that you can 
point out between then and what's happening in this moment. 
Make sure that you admit that you have contributed to these 
changes in your relationship. Realize that there are probably 
some resentments and painful truths between both of you that 
have to be unearthed before this can be resolved.

3) Understand that if your partner has shut down 
emotionally, chances are that both of you are acting in 
ways that keep this behavior going. Admitting your patterns 
may open the door for a new dialog between the two of you.

4) If your partner refuses to admit there is a problem 
and remains closed to you for an extended period of time, 
we recommend seeking the help of a trained professional.

Read more »

Beware Of A Controlling Relationship!

Stella always had a problem when it came to her boyfriend. Scared of what he might do to her when she went out with friends, 23-year-old Stella would think a million times to let her boyfriend know about her whereabouts. There were times when her boyfriend would literally lock her in the house keeping her away from her friends fearing that he will lose her one day to another man.

But, it so happened that he did loose her. Stella found a way out of this relationship and today she is happy to be single waiting patiently if ever the man of her dreams would knock on the door of her heart.

Here are some life saving ways to help you realize if you are a victim in a controlling relationship.

1.Trust – There will be times when you see him looking at you in a particular way, trying to figure out if you are telling him the truth. Some men who do not understand their partners go through the feeling of in security where they actually end up in domestic violence in order to make sure that the girl is telling the truth.

2.Self Interest – This is one common sign one would see in a controlling relationship. The man always puts himself before his girlfriend. When Stella explained to her loved one about her new job, he did not praise her in any way neither did he encourage or congratulate her. He spoke about his career and how important it was in the relationship. His money matters and superiority issues also came up, thus putting Stella down!

3.Craving For Freedom – There is always a sense of wanting freedom in the relationship. If you are living in a state where your life is barred, then you are most definitely in a controlling relationship. We live in a country where one has their own rights and your partner has no upper hand in suppressing it.

4.Embarrassment – One thing that Stella feared in her controlling relationship was public embarrassment. There was once a time when she and her lover, went out for a movie along with friends and watching the emotional romantic movie, Stella began to cry. Her lover felt embarrassed by this and began to insult Stella making her cry. Like these cases, there are many lovers in controlling relationships who embarrass their partner directly or indirectly.

These are some of the signs one would see in a relationship. Beware, if you are facing these signs and let go before it is too late. TRUST ME WITH THE ABOVE ARTICLE TO BE 100% true, name has been changed.

Read more »