Imagine what your life and your relationships would be like if everyday was Valentine's Day. First of all, we'd all be 300 lbs. from eating chocolate hearts and pink cookies. More importantly, we'd either be excited by or guilt-tripped into expressing our love and appreciation to the people in our lives every day. The question is--why can't it be Valentine's Day everyday? Why do we need one day a year on which we've all agreed that we will express our love and appreciation to the people in our lives? We suggest that everyday could be a day that you express your love and appreciation--whether you have a 'significant other' or not. We all like to be appreciated. Somewhere deep inside, we all know that our lives would be better if we could just appreciate the people in our lives, but something stops us. Whether it is issues from the past, fear of the appreciation not being accepted or reciprocated, or simply not taking the time to do it, we often allow opportunities to enrich our relationships slip through our fingers. We've found that honest, heartfelt appreciation helps to build safety and trust in a relationship and fosters good communication between two people. Coming back to these goals and appreciating what the other is bringing to the project always helps us to move forward in a positive way. Appreciation can soften relationships that are experiencing challenges and create ease and flow in communication. Whenever there are communication challenges in your life, try turning your thoughts to appreciating something about that person rather than being critical of them. Sincere, verbal appreciation adds icing to the cake. So you might be asking--What do you do if your partner is always late, or he/she doesn't do anything that you appreciate? What if there isn't anything positive to appreciate? No matter how bad a relationship is, there has to be something positive that you can catch the other person doing so that you can begin to show your appreciation. We suggest that you look beneath the current situation or past unresolved differences. Was there ever a time that this person said or did something that you can appreciate? If so, start there. ********************** Now, here are some questions that we'd like you to answer that will help you to move to a place of appreciation more easily with the people in your life: 1. Think of a person who presents communication challenges for you. Name three things that this person brings to your life and that you can appreciate about them. 2. Practice transforming critical thoughts to ones of appreciation. Think of something that really irritates you about them. Now take a deep breath and change that thought to one of the items on your list in #1. Keep practicing until it feels natural to change your negative thoughts. Remember that by doing this, you are not condoning what you perceive they have done or are doing to you or other people. You are simply flowing positive energy to a situation that has been mired in negativity. 3. If it is possible, take an opportunity to tell this person, in a sincere and loving way, one of the things you wrote in #1. If you were able to do this, what was his or her reaction? ****************** TIPS for appreciating 1) Practice appreciating the people in your life when you are in your car driving, standing in line at the grocery store or just before falling asleep. The more positive energy you flow out, the more positive energy will in turn flow your way. 2) When giving someone a verbal appreciation, stop what you are doing, make eye contact with him or her, and speak from your heart. 3) Take time to appreciate yourself everyday. 4) Whenever you find yourself irritated with a loved one, sit down with a piece of paper and list all of the qualities you really love about that person. Keep going until your irritation lifts. This doesn't mean that you don't need to express yourself but you will be coming from a clearer, more loving place if you shift your energy.
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