Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Trust, Communication and Their Challenges in Relationships...

If communication is a challenge for you right now in your relationships,  one of the biggest issues may be a lack of trust.  If trust is an issue for you in your relationships and in your life,  we don't have to tell you how painful it is. Trust is the one quality that a relationship simply can't survive without.  If you don't have trust, then you'll put a question mark in front of  everything your partner says. You'll doubt their love. You'll harbor  unhealed resentments which get in the way of clear communication.  In short, if for whatever reason you can't trust no matter how hard you  try, you'll keep your partner at a distance and not let them get too close  to you which most likely will impact your communication with them.  Sometimes...

Monday, April 18, 2011

Communication E-Course--DAY 10‏-Show your Appreciation

Imagine what your life and your relationships would  be like if everyday was Valentine's Day.  First of all, we'd all be 300 lbs. from eating  chocolate hearts and pink cookies. More importantly,  we'd either be excited by or guilt-tripped into  expressing our love and appreciation to the people  in our lives every day. The question is--why can't it be Valentine's Day  everyday?  Why do we need one day a year on which we've all  agreed that we will express our love and appreciation  to the people in our lives?  We suggest that everyday could be a day that you  express your love and appreciation--whether you have  a 'significant other' or not.  We all like to be appreciated. Somewhere deep inside,  we all know...

Communication E-Course--DAY 9‏-Let Go of Judgments, Blame and the Need to be Right

Jennifer was outraged every time she saw anyone who  wasn't a perfect model of health and fitness. She  thought she had all the answers about how everyone  should lose weight, stay healthy and look great.  She also insisted on telling everyone what they  should be doing differently in order to meet her  criteria for being in perfect health and fitness,  even when they didn't ask or cared. She was critical  of her body and everyone else's.  By acting in this way, Jennifer made it nearly  impossible to connect with anyone in a relationship  because her judgments built a wall between them. The same kind of walls are built between people when  "blame" phrases like "You should have. . .", "You  could have . . .", "Why didn't you...

Friday, April 15, 2011

Communication E-Course--DAY 8 - ‏Take responsibility for your part in the communication dance

We've all heard the phrase "It takes two to tango", but in  the "dance" we call relationships, how many of us really  believe it and live it?  The truth is not many.  In a relationship where communication is an issue, there  are usually two ways people take responsibility and both  create challenges: 1. Either they take far more than their share of  responsibility, playing the martyr or  2. They don't accept any or very little responsibility,  playing the victim.  What we're going to suggest in this session is that the  best way to communicate with each other is in a third,  more empowering way. This way of communicating is based  on the idea of a conscious partnership.  In a conscious partnership, both people are...

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Communication E-Course--DAY 7 - Be clear in your communication

We've found that unclear communication creates assumptions  by one or both people and creates barriers to a connected,  healthy relationship. This is true no matter what type of  relationship you're in. ****************************** Are you clear in your communication? Here are some  questions for you to consider. 1. Are there times when you feel people misunderstand  what you are asking them to do or trying to communicate with  them? If so, write these scenarios here. 2. Are there times when you feel that you do not  understand another person but are not comfortable or don't  take the time to clarify the communication between the two  of you? If so, write these scenarios here. 3. What could you do to be clearer in your communication  with...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Communication E-Course--DAY 6 - ‏Speak your truth as soon as you know it

Have you seen those big "dust bunnies" that form under  your bed or any other place in your house that somehow  get missed by that weekly sweep of the dust mop? The  formation of "dust bunnies" can be very similar to how  it is in your relationships when you keep your emotions  and your truth from the people in your lives. There are many reasons we allow "dust" to collect in our  relationships and fear is always at the bottom. One of  the biggest reasons is we don't want to "rock the boat" or  shake the status quo by saying what is true for us.  Although the present situation may not be the best, we  fear that revealing how we really feel will make it worse.  What we secretly fear is that our relationship will be  torn apart by...

Am I Settling or Is This the Best I can Do?

These questions are critically important and here's why... As good as your relationship seems to be, you may be fearing that it may not be enough for you and you may want more some time in the future. What we have discovered, is that we all have different wants, needs, interests. We all have different things that drive us and make us be the way we are. The question you might really be asking could be... "Can I have it all--the comfort, plus passion that takes your breath away--or should I be happy to get 'almost' all of it?" Our answer to that is--it depends... It depends on how important that passionate spark is to you. It's only after you truly know what's important to you in your relationships and your life that you can begin to make conscious decisions about how you want to move...

Communication E-Course--DAY 5‏ - Stay in the Present Moment

Has this ever happened to you? Somebody says something to  you that immediately triggers negativity that seems to be  an overblown reaction to the situation. You don't have a  clue why you are so upset and you wonder just where that  feeling came from. Your reaction may be to lash out at the  other person or withdraw emotionally and/or physically. Tony Robbins would call this a 'negative anchor'--something  that is said or something that is experienced that you  consciously or unconsciously associate with a previous  negative event.  We've discovered that what's really going on, in cases like  this, is that you have been pulled out of the present moment.  Whether you're conscious of it or not something triggered you  to go into...

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

6 Unhealthy Things You Should Stop Saying Now

Experts share the very worst kinds of things women say — and how to spin that toxic vocab into positive thinking.1. “Look at my arm jiggle.”The situation: Over a glass of pinot with your BFFs, girl talk suddenly turns into a competition of who hates their body more.Why it’s unhealthy: Pointing out and focusing on the alleged jiggle, whether to friends or yourself, is harmful to your body image and self-esteem. Even if your intent is to seek an image-boosting compliment, it can backfire, prompting you to agonize even more over your body flaws and making you feel worse.Next time, say: “Did I tell you about the cool project...

Monday, April 11, 2011

Communication E-Course--DAY 4: Feel your feelings

If you want to communicate better and connect deeper with  the people in your life, the first thing you have to do is  connect with yourself first.  How can you hope to communicate clearly and form a connection  of the heart with others if you don't know what you're feeling?  The simple answer is-you can't.  Your emotions are signposts from your inner wisdom. If you  are conscious of what you are feeling in the moment, your  emotions can signal an imbalance in your life and help you  move to understanding and then to resolution of a situation  or problem.  Most of us were taught as children to hide what we were  feeling and many of us came from families where certain  emotions just weren't allowed. In many families, certain  emotions...

Is a Great Relationship Really Possible?

Here are some ideas to help you create and maintain an outstanding relationship...    1. Know what your values are up front and be honest about them. If you value your job, your hobbies, your relationships with your friends more than a close, connection intimate relationship, then be honest about it. There's nothing wrong with your choices of where you place your values. Just be conscious about where you are placing your priorities in your life and live accordingly.    2. If you do want to create a long-standing close, connected relationship, then make your relationship a priority in your life. Create your intentions together and follow through with them. Make time and expend the energy to have what you say you are wanting.    3. The quality of your relationship...

Communication E-Course - DAY 3: 10 Communication Secrets for Creating a Lifetime of Love

Listening to understand means listening with your full  attention without becoming defensive about what's being  said. It means focusing on what the other person is saying  and not on what you are going to say next. Listening to understand is listening with the intention of  creating a deeper connection with another person and not  just to further your agenda.  Very often people think that if they truly listen with the  intention to  understand someone, they are agreeing with them. We don't  think that's necessarily true. Just as we shared in our  example, Otto truly listened to understand where Susie was  coming from but he didn't necessarily agree with what she  was telling him.  Listening to understand is not judging,...

Saturday, April 9, 2011

5 Tips on How To Mend a Broken Heart

Anyone who has gone through a breakup or divorce and has come out the other side with a broken heart, knows what we are talking about.It can be a very painful experience!One of the ways to help yourself to feel better and actually heal from a breakup or divorce is to begin to listen to what you are telling yourself. In other words, pay attention to your “self talk.”We all talk to ourselves all of the time and this is what we calling 'self talk.' These thoughts come and go in our minds and they can either help us go through life with relative ease or struggling at every step of the way.In our experience, this 'self talk' can either keep you stuck in the past--mulling over what went wrong or what you should have done differently--or stuck in the future--worrying about what might happen at some...

There are No Relationship Failures

It sounds trite, but there's always something you can learn from every experience. Often it's the seed of a current or past "failure" that fuels you to the very success that you've always dreamed of. Past relationships give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them.    It's the power of contrast that living in an unfulfilling relationship may give you. A woman we'll call Connie brought her intimate relationship to an end after several years of turmoil with her partner. After the break-up, she realized what this relationship had taught her and that it wasn't a "failure."    This relationship had helped her to define the type of partner she would really resonate with--someone who was on a similar...

Finding Your Perfect Partner

A woman we'll call "Jane" thought she was a great "catch" and a "perfect partner" but she wondered why her relationships always seemed to fail. Here's what she wrote-- "I dated men of various ages and cultures but all my relationships ended up in disaster. I constantly searched, hoping for love to come my way. I carried a lot of personal baggage from my past and set unrealistic standards and expectations for my lovers hoping they would fail because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid they would hurt me and disappoint me, so I made sure I would be in control when they did." In this situation, Jane has an incredible opportunity in front of her. She can continue as she has been, being fearful and attracting people who will disappoint her or she can learn from what she has discovered about her...

Friday, April 8, 2011

Communication E-Course- Day 2‏

A Common Complaint... What about when you are trying to communicate with someone  who you feel is closed-minded, set in their ways and not at  all like you? A woman said she was having a challenge with her partner because he was so set  in his ways and closed-minded to changes in their relationship  or within her. As we thought about her problem, we realized  that two things were really going on here. She expected her  partner to be someone other than who he was.  She also didn't recognize that she was the one doing most of  the changing in the relationship and she, consciously or  unconsciously, expected him to go right along with her in  whatever growth process she had been going through. This  was a mistake for her to believe...

Thursday, April 7, 2011

How to Release Past Hurts and Betrayals for More Trust in Your Relationship

Here are some ideas that we have used to help heal past hurts, create more trust, and deeper love and connection in our relationship... 1. Recognize when you are triggered and carried into the past. Ask yourself if your anger, withdrawal or whatever you happen to do when you are triggered is either magnified by something that happened in your past or maybe even totally from your past. In other words, can you identify whether you were triggered entirely by what's happening in the present or is your reaction mostly from what happened in your past? 2. Identify your thoughts and fears and question them. You may have heard the saying that fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. We suggest that you write your thoughts and fears on paper and then question their truth in your current life. 3....

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