How Emotional Cheating Starts - Heart Affairs

Emotional cheating starts when couples misunderstand the fundamental rules of marriage, says Gary

Communication is not the problem (communicating often and honestly is often stated as the best way to build a successful marriage), and says that emotional cheating is caused by wasted

 

Emotional cheating is:

• Flirting "harmlessly" with people of the opposite sex.
• Having lunch or drinks after work with members of the opposite sex.
• Discussing your work problems thoroughly at work, leaving nothing to talk about with your spouse.
• Sharing jokes and gossip with colleagues or friends of the opposite sex, not with your partner.
• Spending as much time buying the right gift for a colleague of the opposite sex as you do for your spouse.
• Sharing intimate issues with people other than your partner.

"When a spouse places his or her primary emotional needs in the hands of someone outside the marriage, it breaks the bond of marriage just as adultery does," writes Neuman in Emotional Infidelity: How to Avoid it. "An emotional affair can be just as dangerous to a marriage [as a sexual affair], and often a more complicated situation to remedy."

Six Mistakes That Lead Emotional Infidelity

1.       Couples spend too much emotional energy on people outside their marriage: friends, siblings, parents, and even children.

2.       Couples keep an emotional distance (fear of intimacy may exist) because they don't want to need their partners too much.

3.       Couples step on one another's toes, not sure who is responsible for what.

4.       Couples don't consider how their past affects their current relationship.

5.       Couples don't make time for marriage or making love.

6.       Couples no longer focus on their partnership after children are born.

Neuman's 10 Secrets to a Strong Marriage

1.       Avoid friendships with members of the opposite sex.

2.       Foster codependence (need for one another).

3.       Have clear, realistic goals and a specific plan.

4.       Define your roles.

5.       Put your marriage before your kids, jobs, and anything else.

6.       Appreciate your partner, don't just tolerate him or her.

7.       Understand the connection between your childhood and your marriage.

8.       Share your deepest, most vulnerable self during intimate moments (deal with your fear of intimacy).

9.       Accept the many stages of love in a marriage or partnership.

10.    Focus your energy on building a strong marriage (and you'll have no energy for emotional cheating).