Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

Having love, happiness and success depends on the ability to create and maintain good relationships.

At the onset of a relationship the best foot is forward, attire is impeccable, the hair is kept perfect, controlling negative emotions and going out of the way to do things for the potential life partner is the norm. However, later on down the road that best foot forward gets tripped and complacency sets in. This usually occurs because there is a breakdown of emotional intelligence.

A satisfying and healthy relationship requires a unique skill set. These skills do not come at birth, they are learned. Due to unresolved emotional “baggage” from upbringing or unresolved issues from traumatic life events in adulthood, many people will not be able to be as effective in learning these skills as those who have cleared their past emotional troubles. Sturdy emotional development will help in building emotional intelligence.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, control and properly communicate personal emotions and to recognize and respond accordingly to the emotions of others.

Having a solid emotional foundation helps to build lasting relationships. These skills assist individuals in having the patience and understanding to deal with life stress factors as they influence the partner, themself and the relationship. Emotional intelligence helps in understanding personal motivations, feelings and needs which is crucial in understanding how to communicate effectively to a partner. The ability to accurately read others, defuse arguments and repair wounded feelings are all components in this skill set.

Emotional intelligence provides a person with the ability to understand the difference between damaging and effective communication. It also allows opportunities to transform conflict into an opportunity for relationship building.

Quickie Emotional Intelligence Relationship Quiz

• Are you attentive when listening to your partner or are you easily distracted?
• Are you comfortable when there is silence during communication?
• Do you judge or critique your own emotions or feelings?
• Do you listen to your gut feeling when making an important question?
• Can you calm yourself down effectively when you are stressed?
• Are you able to use humor to mediate through rough times?
• Are you able to deal with differences and disagreements?

Answering usually to most of these indicates that you have a positive start toward emotional intelligence communication in your relationships.

Five Step Program to Success

#1 – Managing Stress: Stress shuts down the ability to feel and think rationally. It impedes with the capability to be emotionally available to anyone else. This can cause damage. Learning to regulate stress is important in being able to be emotionally available.

#2 – Manage Emotions: Emotional exchanges are the adhesive in communication. Interactions are triggered by a host of emotions such as sadness, happiness and anger. In order to effectively engage another in conversation, being cognizant of internal feelings and how these feelings influence the choice of words and actions is key.

#3 – Nonverbal Communication: Nonverbal communication is powerful. Eye contact, facial expression, posture, gestures and touch can convey more to another person than words. When someone is speaking and the “receiver” is not making eye contact or walks out of the room, this is potential trouble. Nonverbal communication consciously or unconsciously sends either a positive or a negative signal to others.

#4 – Humor: The ability to integrate humor into life provides many advantages. Humor can help in taking hardships in stride, smoothing over differences, to lighten up on events that are not life-threatening or morally wrong or to simply have a good time.

#5 – Conflict Resolution: Choosing how to respond to differences and disagreements can create hostility and serious damage or it can initiate trust and strengthen a relationship. How a person manages their stress will determine how easily conflict resolution can be achieved. Finding resolution is not always easy, but it can be achieved when emotional intelligencer skills prevail.

Being honest and self-awareness are important factors in attaining a healthy level of emotional intelligence.