The Most Common Relationship Problems

The most common relationship problems range from fear of intimacy to fear of rejection. Everyone struggles with fears of intimacy, change, and abandonment – but some people struggle more than others.

Here's how to recognize and deal with these relationship problems.

Fear of Intimacy

Even in childhood we fear being swallowed up by another person and losing our unique selves. We want to be independent with our own personalities, likes, dislikes, strengths, and even weaknesses. This is the first common relationship problem: fear of intimacy - which can involve engulfment and emotional distance.

Engulfment occurs when we lose who we are in our relationship: not only are our preferences lost – we may not even know what are preferences are anymore! People who have a fear of intimacy may be overly anxious about losing their selves, which makes them extremely guarded and hard to know. People with a fear of intimacy may fear being trapped or suffocated, which exacerbates their relationship fears.

This relationship problem may be solved by learning how to overcome fear of intimacy.

Fear of Change

Sometimes our relationship fears make us afraid our partner will change; other times we fear he or she won't at all. Even good changes can be hard to deal with. When familiar habits and routines are changed, we feel a sense of unease because we have adjustments to make, new routines to create.

Talking honestly about changes is the best way to deal with this relationship problem. Discussing relationship fears, hopes, motivations, and practical issues will make changes blend in with the daily routine in a much smoother way. Even fighting about your feelings is better than repressing or stuffing them down.

Fear of Abandonment

Most of us don't want to be alone, and are dismayed at the thought of being rejected or abandoned. Even the healthiest people have some fear of abandonment. We know we could survive but life is better and easier with others (this is a primal instinct). We fear being left due to death, rejection, illness, physical or even emotional distance.

Becoming independent and emotionally healthy with your own life and goals is an ideal way to deal with this common relationship problem.

These most common relationship problems are revealed in different ways:

• Overinvolvement in another person's life
• Constant phone calls, visits, e-mails, etc.
• Requests for attention or acknowledgement
• Jealous or controlling behaviors (common relationship fears)
• Withdrawal or extreme guardedness

To minimize these relationship problems in love:

• Be aware of your fears! It's okay to feel fear of intimacy; simply knowing that you're afraid of losing yourself and being engulfed by your relationship or family could prevent it from happening. When you know what you fear, you're in a better position to deal with it. Accepting that you have a common relationship problem will help you solve it.
• Express yourself appropriately. If you're afraid of being abandoned, try not to suffocate your loved ones with excessive attention or jealousy. Talk about your feelings, write them down – see a counselor if you're really struggling. Don't let your relationship problems – which are normal – dictate your behavior or wreck your relationship.
• Get educated. Do you have an extreme fear of intimacy or fear of abandonment? Find out how to how to be supportive when your loved ones want to change. Read books, seek support groups, or talk to a counselor about your relationship problems.

These common relationship problems take some work to overcome, but being aware and open to change will go a long way.