Open Up to Support As You Go Through Your Break-Up
There are support groups for just about everything these
days. You can find these groups on the internet and at your
church or community center.
Support groups for those who are going through divorce or a
breakup are certainly available.
The potential challenge with such groups is that they don't
always provide the kind of support that you might truly need
in order to heal your broken heart.
Don't get us wrong. We are not advising you to steer clear
of support groups.
What we do encourage you to do is to become clear about what
specific kind of support you want and then make sure that
the group or resource will provide that.
"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift
you higher," talk show host, philanthropist and all-around
dynamic woman Oprah Winfrey offered this advice.
We couldn't agree more!
As you turn more and more toward healing your broken heart
and the future that you'd like for yourself, become aware of
the people and other influences that you're surrounding
yourself with.
Too often, people who feel broken hearted gravitate toward
what is essentially company for their misery. After all,
who doesn't appreciate someone who is going through
something similar to what he or she is going through?
That chat group for women who have been cheated on might
give you the exact support that you want...and it might not.
While it can certainly be helpful to talk with and
potentially learn from those who have gone through (or are
going through) the same kind of experience as you are, it
can also keep you stuck.
And, when you spend the bulk of your time with people who
are miserable like you are and who have no idea how they
will ever feel happy (or even close to it) again, you simply
aren't receiving support.
Don't confuse company for your misery with support.
What is support anyway?
Think about a bridge. Its structure of beams and cables
allows cars and bicycles to travel safely over rivers, lakes
and mountainous terrain.
You might think of a support as some thing or some person
that helps you to pass through difficulties. You are
bolstered by this resource and encouraged toward the future
you desire, not kept trapped in the pain and upset of the
past.
You might not always be happy or comfortable with what a
source of support has to say. For example, a close friend
or family member might point out to you the hazards of
checking up on your ex via Facebook or another social
networking sites.
This might not be what you want to hear...but it could help
you make a shift toward further healing.
Take some time and write down the specific forms of support
that you feel like you need now.
Your list might include the following: be available to take
a phone call when you feel sad or depressed, hang out
socially with you, be a shoulder for you to cry on, help you
make financial decisions, be willing to shop or do home
improvement projects with you or assist with childcare
occasionally or on a regular basis.
Now when someone close to you offers help, you can suggest
some ways he or she might do that.
Who (and what) are the sources of support in your life?
Your support team could be a collection of friends, family,
acquaintances, books, movies, television shows, music and
even physical surroundings.
The goal here is to do whatever you can to make sure that
the support team you gather for yourself is one which will
actually give you the support that you need right now. (You
can refer to that list you made.)
Take a look at who you're hanging out with.
Do the activities you do with these people and the
conversations that you have together seem to be serving
you in your healing process?
If they aren't, you might want to hang out more of the time
with other people. We aren't suggesting that you have to
rid your friend list of everyone who isn't "positive" or
"happy."
Be deliberate about with whom you are choosing to spend
your time, what you are doing and what you are talking about.
Be aware of what you are reading, watching and listening to
as well.
There are support groups for just about everything these
days. You can find these groups on the internet and at your
church or community center.
Support groups for those who are going through divorce or a
breakup are certainly available.
The potential challenge with such groups is that they don't
always provide the kind of support that you might truly need
in order to heal your broken heart.
Don't get us wrong. We are not advising you to steer clear
of support groups.
What we do encourage you to do is to become clear about what
specific kind of support you want and then make sure that
the group or resource will provide that.
"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift
you higher," talk show host, philanthropist and all-around
dynamic woman Oprah Winfrey offered this advice.
We couldn't agree more!
As you turn more and more toward healing your broken heart
and the future that you'd like for yourself, become aware of
the people and other influences that you're surrounding
yourself with.
Too often, people who feel broken hearted gravitate toward
what is essentially company for their misery. After all,
who doesn't appreciate someone who is going through
something similar to what he or she is going through?
That chat group for women who have been cheated on might
give you the exact support that you want...and it might not.
While it can certainly be helpful to talk with and
potentially learn from those who have gone through (or are
going through) the same kind of experience as you are, it
can also keep you stuck.
And, when you spend the bulk of your time with people who
are miserable like you are and who have no idea how they
will ever feel happy (or even close to it) again, you simply
aren't receiving support.
Don't confuse company for your misery with support.
What is support anyway?
Think about a bridge. Its structure of beams and cables
allows cars and bicycles to travel safely over rivers, lakes
and mountainous terrain.
You might think of a support as some thing or some person
that helps you to pass through difficulties. You are
bolstered by this resource and encouraged toward the future
you desire, not kept trapped in the pain and upset of the
past.
You might not always be happy or comfortable with what a
source of support has to say. For example, a close friend
or family member might point out to you the hazards of
checking up on your ex via Facebook or another social
networking sites.
This might not be what you want to hear...but it could help
you make a shift toward further healing.
Take some time and write down the specific forms of support
that you feel like you need now.
Your list might include the following: be available to take
a phone call when you feel sad or depressed, hang out
socially with you, be a shoulder for you to cry on, help you
make financial decisions, be willing to shop or do home
improvement projects with you or assist with childcare
occasionally or on a regular basis.
Now when someone close to you offers help, you can suggest
some ways he or she might do that.
Who (and what) are the sources of support in your life?
Your support team could be a collection of friends, family,
acquaintances, books, movies, television shows, music and
even physical surroundings.
The goal here is to do whatever you can to make sure that
the support team you gather for yourself is one which will
actually give you the support that you need right now. (You
can refer to that list you made.)
Take a look at who you're hanging out with.
Do the activities you do with these people and the
conversations that you have together seem to be serving
you in your healing process?
If they aren't, you might want to hang out more of the time
with other people. We aren't suggesting that you have to
rid your friend list of everyone who isn't "positive" or
"happy."
Be deliberate about with whom you are choosing to spend
your time, what you are doing and what you are talking about.
Be aware of what you are reading, watching and listening to
as well.
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