3 Tips for Re-Connecting After Jealousy Gets in the Way

Have you ever said or done something in the heat of jealousy and then uttered these words...

"I can't believe I just did that!"

If so, you are not alone.

The fear, worry and anger of jealousy can become so inflamed that it appears to take over your better senses. You might end up feeling mostly regret for what you just did.

Even if you don't feel regret about your jealousy-motivated actions or words (because sometimes they seem perfectly justified), it may become clear to you that it is getting in the way.

Jealousy is getting in the way of you and your partner having the kind of connection that you'd like.

Jealousy is getting in the way of the kind of communication you want to have with your mate.

Jealousy is getting in the way of the confident and assured manner that you'd like for yourself.

When you become adept at recognizing your jealous feelings when they first appear, you can start to apply techniques that can help you find ease and resolution easier and sooner...before you say the words or take the actions that lead to further distance in your relationship.

But that kind of early identification doesn't always happen. You need to know what steps you could take to re-connect with your partner after jealousy has appeared to have taken hold of you.

You need to know what to do when you are looking back at what just happened and you say to yourself...

"I can't believe I just did that!"

Here are three simple, yet very powerful, tips for re-connecting in just such a situation:

#1) Take responsibility.

Let's face it. It's not usually comfortable (or easy) to own up to what you've done.

We humans seem to have a propensity for pointing the finger of blame at anyone-- or anything-- other than us when something regrettable has occurred.

We aren't asking you to take the full brunt of the blame for the hurtful words that were said or the disconnecting actions that were taken. In fact, we don't want to focus on blame at all.

Instead, we encourage you to take responsibility for your share of the dynamics that are moving you and your partner further apart. Take no more and no less responsibility than your share.

Acknowledge that you are struggling with jealousy and that you allowed your jealous emotions to take over. Admit to what you've done or said with honesty and openness.

#2) Make amends.

Don't underestimate the power of a genuine and heartfelt apology. It does need to truly come from the heart, however.

Your partner can most likely feel it if you really are sorry about what happened.

When you apologize, don't apologize for anything but what you are responsible for. It is helpful if you see your apology as an end unto itself, rather than a way to force your mate to own up to what you think he or she should be sorry for.

If it feels appropriate, you can ask your partner how you might make amends for what you've done. Really listen to what he or she is requesting.

Are you willing to make amends in this way? If not, is there another action that is similar to this that you might propose?

When you do agree to make amends in a particular way, be sure to follow through.

Every time that you follow through-- whether it's making amends or on other agreements-- you bolster trust and promote connection.

#3) Learn from what happened.

This is essential. Remember the saying, "Those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them?"

Take a thorough and honest look at your jealousy habit and the past (and present) experiences and dynamics that fuel it.

If you have low self esteem, it is probable the your jealousy is being fed by those beliefs. If you still carry around pain from being cheated on in the past, this is probably playing a part in your jealousy today.

Begin to make completions with your past and also to change any limiting beliefs so that you can stop your jealousy habit. It might take time and a lot of persistence-- but it's worth it.
 

While these 3 tips may seem simplistic, they are potentially relationship-altering. In many cases, people know what is required in difficult situations such as those involving jealousy, but they don't take the common sense steps called for.